A
female
age
41-50,
*hiannon3
writes:My boyfriend Face Timed me the other night. I the back ground his 6 year old daughter was standing there naked. I was kind of shocked because I don’t let my daughter who is 8 do this. She also sleeps nude with him. Is this normal? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2020): You have to be careful about judging people based on your own customs and values. People come from different parts of the world; and in each family we adopt certain traditions that may be strange or assumed to be inappropriate. I come from a mixed heritage; and I am pretty sure that the things Indigenous Native American people will do are not particularly understood by the Greek culture. Yet my family is a mixture of these cultures.
Even if you are born into the regular and acceptable traditions of America, you can adopt whatever habits and customs you like. Your home is your place of solace, rest; and it is your private sanctuary. People should be vigil and alert to any signs of child-abuse or sexual-molestation of minors; but you also have to be cautious of jumping to conclusions that may prove hurtful and totally incorrect.
There are age-limitations of appropriateness according to a child's gender; and all cultures have their standards of appropriateness and inappropriate behavior around children.
It's up to you if you are comfortable or uncomfortable with the culture and traditions of others. Don't be quick to assume that something regarding nudity is always under the fundamental rules of appropriateness that you've always known.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 June 2020):
 I agree with FA
For some it's normal, for others it's not. If they don't have AC and the house is hotter than Hades, maybe it was an easy choice. Or the kid was getting ready for a bath/shower or just got out of bath shower.
For me, I think most kids find their own modesty around 6-10, where they want to cover up a bit. Having grown up in Denmark myself, being nude is not really a big deal. If you ever go to the beach in Denmark you will see that most kids are naked or even naked with a sun-hat. Then when they hit a certain age, they wear a swimsuit or bikini. And no one bats an eyelash. Because a CHILD being naked is nothing sexual.
My kids would probably walk around in underwear on hot days (around the house that is) and they are all teens. But we have large windows on the ground floor, so they is not advised (by me) So there are days where they all run around their pj shorts and a sports bra or a silk robe over undies. My middle kid is probably the most comfortable with nudity and calls her room "nudist colony of one" - so you ALWAYS knock before entering.
If anyone comes over, or they have friends over OF COURSE they put on clothes. They are "swanning around" in the buff all day either. I went to school with a kid who wore a swimsuit to bathe. For ME that is odd. Naked is not.
His daughter probably haven't developed a sense of nudity and modesty yet.
For me, I actually think a 6 year old NOT sleeping by themselves is MORE odd than her sleeping naked. So each to their own.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (22 June 2020):
 Is this normal?
That question pops up so much.
The answer is in fact that it is very normal for he and his daughter. And it is not normal for you and your daughter.
I come from a mixed family. unusually mixed. My parents adopted 4 teenagers in the years when their biological children were leaving the nest. These new siblings had different family backgrounds. The most shocking turned out to be something you would probably be totally comfortable with.
My mothers rule on nudity was that the same standard applied to boys and girls. In the public areas of the house and yard, boys and girls were expected to wear at least shorts and a shirt. My 3rd adopted brother did not like the shirts for boys rule and his sons are free to go topless whenever they wish. Except at my mother's house.
It is very confusing for them to be openly body shamed for not wearing a shirt and grandma's. But that is exactly what happens.
People who have strict nudity rules tend to sexualize nudity. People who have relaxed nudity rules tend not to sexualize nudity. Children who grow up with relaxed rules tend to be more comfortable with their body image and their sexuality. These are trends, not absolutes.
How your family lives with home nudity is not a reliable predictor of your grown up attitudes. For example two of my daughters. Both grew up with the same family rules. But one never leaves her private space without a Bra. The other is frequently in public areas of home braless. It really is nothing sexual, just their level of comfort with their own bodies.
My advice to you in your situation is 1) Don't shame him or especially his daughter for what is Normal for them. 2) evaluate if you are going to be comfortable living with his rules. 3) BIGGEST one. Don't assume sexualization.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2020): This is not normal to sleep naked with the parent.Kids do sometimes sleep with their parent but with pj on.Do you know the child's mom?As a grandma yes this would freak me out and yes personally I would call cps.I also would distance myself from him permintaly.You have a eight year old ....I would never in a million years let her around him.Then in the future learn to trust what your gut tells you.Next time you date someone do not let your daughter meet them for at least two years...that way you can weed out the bad ones.And I can tell you there are many bad ones who would use you to get to your child.Dump him...report him...never look back.
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