A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Is it normal when my partner goes out with friends, he comes home pissed drunk?My boyfriend does not hang out a lot with his friends, probably once a month, or once every one and a half months. But when he does, he always gets drunk or tipsy. He assures me that he gets home safe and he keeps me updated throughout the night, albeit with a slew of drunk texts that sound incoherent half the time. I don't stop him from hanging out with his friends and I like that he has a social life. But is it normal for a bunch of guys to always go drinking when they meet up until they're drunk, unable to properly open the door or reply texts coherently?I don't know why it bothers me that it is the only activity he ever does with his friends. Am I a terrible person for being annoyed at something like that?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (19 January 2016):
 Who decides what is normal and what is not? Nobody! Because at the end of the day everyone is different and behaves differently.
Now when it comes to people going out and getting drunk it is quite common in men and women in their 20s. His drinking habits don't seem to worry him but they annoy you. Therefore you need to tell him what it is that annoys you. When he comes home is he completely unable to care for himself? Has he drank so much he cannot walk or talk? If so then you need to tell him how dangerous it is and that you don't want this is a partner.
If you don't get drunk then it is very hard for you to understand why anybody would want to get like that, however it is 'normal' for him and he probably doesn't see the issue with it.
Talk to him about how you feel.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2016): Yes, it's completely normal! It's how guys are together, especially drinking. They all try to keep up with each other, and before they know it someone's got a round of tequila's in. I would be worried if it was more often.
It's not just guys though, when I go out with my friends who I haven't seen for a while, things go a little that way. It's just being young and having a laugh I guess. I wouldn't worry at all.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (19 January 2016):
 The UK (as much of Europe) have a drinking culture - in UK it's called "Pub culture". Where socializing revolves around going out and drinking, and getting drunk. And that's considered a good week-end!
So I would say once a month may BE within the "norm" but that doesn't mean you have to like it or even accept it in a partner.
But you DO have to accept that HE chooses to do this and that he obviously enjoys it.
Most people I know outgrow the heavy drinking by their mid'20's but some don't.
Have you asked him (while sober) how come this group of guys STILL have to get crap-faced once a month in order to have fun? Some of it be a kind of peer pressure - "you are a wimp if you can't/won't go out and get absolutely hammered". It might be part escapism or how they blow of steam.
Now if he ONLY gets tipsy, I don't see the big deal. Having a few beers and a few laughs is not really that strange. But so drunk that he isn't coherent, THAT is a problem.
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