A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi again all, the online dating drama continues! So I've been messaging a man online for a couple of weeks and he seemed really nice. He told me upfront he's looking for a relationship, as am I, but his actions since then have me confused and frankly a little turned off. He's never called me so all communication has been over text message. That wouldn't necessarily be a problem, but he makes no effort! He'll send me a message asking how I am/what I'm up to and I'll send him a couple of lines in response. Yet when I ask in return, all I get back is something along the lines of 'working' or 'nothing I'm bored'. At first I asked him a few more questions but got barely anything back, so I eventually stopped replying assuming he wasn't interested. Then I get a message asking if I still want to meet. The first time I thought I'd give him the benefit of the doubt and go anyway as I know some people are not big texters (I'm not either but I feel I should make more of an effort with people I meet online to actually find out a bit about them), so I told him the nights I was free and asked when he was. The reply I got back was 'just whenever'. To me that's a clear sign of disinterest, yet a couple of days later I got a message asking if he was wasting his time messaging me. I decided to be honest and told him I felt like he wasn't interested and he assured me he was, yet he has still not stepped up and showed me he is! It's like he wants me to do the pursuing despite the fact he's giving me nothing back.He has now sent me another message asking if he's wasting his time and I feel like I should tell him straight that his lack of effort has turned me off so maybe we should just leave it, so at least he knows for next time, but is that too harsh since we've never met? I'd like to know if something I'd done turned a guy off so much but I know some people disagree and think a polite 'thanks but no thanks' is better so early in the game. What do you think?
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male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (20 January 2016):
 Have you guys even met yet? I think that would be key.
Online messaging / dating is all a numbers game and he could be juggling a lot of different "plates" right now. The fact that neither one of you has taken the next step -- in any way, shape or form -- makes it sound like no one has any guts and nor is there any sense of urgency to your bond.
I think you have someone who might be nice as an acquaintance but not as serious relationship material.
Try not to get too hung up on online profiles. People can say or represent themselves in any matter and often times it has little to no basis in reality. I'd also urge you to work on meeting the person face-to-face. That will really clear through the BS and enable you to find someone who will match your desires and needs.
Eddie
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (19 January 2016):
 Sounds to me like he is wasting your time, he seems to be looking for an ego boost, he wants women to run after him while he sits back, he sounds insecure, hence why he keeps asking is he wasting his time. Just tell him you get the impression he is not interested and tell him you are moving forward and delete his details.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (19 January 2016):
 I find it odd that HE keeps asking if HE is wasting his time, when in fact... HE is wasting yours.
I'd text him and wish him luck, that you feel like someone who has put SO little effort into meeting and conversing with you is NOT what you are looking for, after that.. feel free to delete/block his number.
It could be that he is trying to not sound over keen, but personally I'd be underwhelmed by his lack of interest.
Next.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (19 January 2016):
 I think you are quite right. He is wasting your time. He is putting in just enough effort to keep you interested but he isn't that bothered. Tell him, 'Sorry mate, but you just didn't cut it'.
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