A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:ok here is the scenario... I met a man online through a dating site and we went to have lunch the first date then bowling the next. On the second date the man spilled his guts to me about his past issues and said he hasn't told anyone about this before. Is it normal for a man to spill his guts like this on date 2? I mean I have not had this before when dating so I am wondering. He wants to take me out on date three this weekend and I am excited about that. I guess I am just curious to get an outside opinion. I think what had me questioning is when I asked him this question..."what would your wife say what the reason for your divorce" and he said....."she would says she wanted to control her own life" He said she was a stay at home mother and wanted to get out and explore life. I think my question is what is behind that anser.."control her own life" was he controlling? is he controlling? Because he had mentioned that his father was very controlling.... should this be a red flag to me or am I being paranoid?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2010): I do like him and see no red flags.
He did not talk smack about his ex wife. He said she wanted to stay home with the kids so he gave that to her.
They have teenagers (14, 15) and they both share custody. They do live in the same city. He has been divorced for a year now and they were married for 15 yrs.
I want to see more of him because I like his personality and want to know him more.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 July 2010):
 I think the guy has read to many books on what women like. Honestly.
Personally, it would make me cringe if someone I barely knew spilled his guts on the second date, on the other hand, now you may have a better view of the guy.
And I agree that what his ex wife thought is irrelevant.
Also I think you over-analyze what he said (she said). If the ex wife was a stuck-at-home-mother maybe she was generally unhappy being at home, doesn't mean he was controlling her. Just means she looked at her life and wasn't happy. Maybe she felt it was partly his fault.
Did you like him or did you feel other "red flags"?
Also did he talk smack about his ex wife? Does he have custody/visitations? How many kids and what age are they? Do they live close? Do they act civilized towards each other? How long has he been divorced? So many questions pop into my head.
But firstly, go with your gut. If you feel there is something you like about him go out on a date or two more. If you feel a sense of apprehension about him, don't date him further.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2010): Thank you. I asked him about his ex rather than him starting in on that conversation so I think he is over her. I think I just have some fear about dating and he seems like a great guy so that makes me nervous too...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2010): No, this is not at all common, but who knows what the cause is. He could have been nervous and simply grasping at topics of conversation. If he's not dated since his divorce he could be way out of practice. OR, he (unintentionally) may be spilling his guts to you in an effort to find some relief.If you had a good time, go out again, and see what the topics of conversation are. Don't steer him into the past, and if he goes there TELL HIM you're not interested in talking about his ex. If he can't stop going there, take it as a sign that he's not ready to date.While you many be curious about what his ex-wife's opinion of him might be, it's really not important. If it was positive, she wouldn't be a EX-WIFE!
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