A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Is it normal for guys to sleep around after they "lose" the love of their lives? Is this "forgivable behaviour" if one were to get back together with them after a three month break up?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2010): With respect, the two of you broke up. After a break up you don't get a say in his life at all --- including if he sleeps with others or not. Three months is a pretty long time and a nice single man is going to get offers in that time. Rejecting those offers because he might some day get back with you would be obsessional and weird.
It is nice that you two are back together. But you can't apply your "in a relationship" standards to times when he was not in a relationship. That would be unfair.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (21 July 2010):
 It is quite normal both for men and women as a way of dealing with the heartache. It is also normal to sit at home and sulk with a bucket of ice cream. Both ways are normal, it just depends a bit on the person.
This is acceptable behaviour only if
a) you were not planning on getting back together and both parties really thought it was over and
b) if you feel you are able to accept that he has had sexual partners in between your breakup and getting back together.
Imagine if it was not 3 months, but 3 years. Would you have been ok with him having more partners in the meantime? If so it is not the fact that he had other partners that is bothering you, but the fact that he was so quick to sleep around. This probably roots in that you wished to get back together with him the same way things were before. What you need to do is accept that your relationship has changed, as it should. What you and him had before didn't work. Now things have changed a little, he's been around the block more, and you have a breakup between you, as well as a lot of heartache. If you are able to work it through you might come out far stronger in the end. All relationships face hardships. Being able to overcome them is what separates the couples from the singles.
What he did wasn't wrong. But it all comes down to if you are ready to accept him and what he did, or if you are too bothered by this. If it bothers you too much and you feel you can not accept it, that too is fine and understandable. It is not wrong of either of you. This is all about emotions, and what you feel comfortable with.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (21 July 2010):
Yep, they're called rebounds. But, in truth, Ask Oldersister hit the nail on the head, as it were. Young guys will sleep around anyway if they're given the chance, and will be more than happy to have any excuse at hand.
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A
male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (21 July 2010):
 Sure, people deal with grief in a lot of ways. He probably wanted to feel some sort of love or connection. Does everyone do it? No, but it doesn't surprise me to hear about someone who did.
Is it forgivable? That really depends on you. Can you forgive him? Really, on one level, you have no right to be mad or upset about it. You were broken up, and had no plans of getting back together. He acted like some single guys act. The question is, will you be able to cope with this behavior?
Also, before sleeping with him again, I'd make sure he gets an STD test. Wouldn't want him bringing a nasty critter he picked up back to your relationship.
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