A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear CupidsI have been with this guy for four months now. He is wonderful and very appreciating of me. We are very good friends and the relationship is progressing well. When we started he told me he was dating someone who is 1000 miles away and they have not seen each other this year which made the relationship difficult to pursue. He reassured me that he is in love with me and he would not want that specific issue to affect our relationship.We spend time almost daily and we see each other very often and I cannot say the girl from a long distance has ever visited him since we started dating.What I have picked up though is that they are still in contact. The woman likes to call in the middle of the night, sometimes he will pick up the phone and speak modestly... as if he is just speaking to a friend. I initially confronted him about it and he reassured me for the second time that I should not worry....5 days back, I decided to snoop on his phone and I picked up that they are still keeping in touch and he also responds back to the woman's messages. Now I think that, not only is the woman after him he also entertains the relationship.... I have been trying to confront him but the cat would get my tongue, until yesterday I decided to bite the bullet and confronted him. I tried to do it calmly so that he wont get defensive.I do not think I like the response I got cause he told me that he is not happy that I snooped in his phone and that what is written then is private and confidential and he was not willing to discuss it. He asked me to deal with this in my own way, especially that he never snoops on my things.Well I apologised for snooping and told him that shouldnt be an issue. The issue was that I got curious because I was suspicious and I was proven right. and the sms confirm it all and he was not at all remorseful. This morning I was not happy and I decided to take everything that is mine from his place and I am very angry at him and do not wish to carry on with that kind of a relationship.He was expecting me to respond to his moves and apologetic affections but I was not responding to any...I need the advice whether you think I acted too early, or whether is it normal for a guy not to let go of the other relationship when it is still early....I told him from the beginning of our relationship that, I really cannot be able to date him while he is seeing other women and I told him that it is something which I really struggle with and that if he carries on I will have to end things
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female
reader, little miss helpful  +, writes (18 September 2007):
 hi chick
well i think you did the riht thing in moving your things out of his place!
the thing is if he is stil wrapped up in the last relationship he shoulndnt have started one with you as it could just be a rebound relationship.
ask him why he wont explain why they still keep in touch and maybe he might just still be friends but my friends dont ring me late at night! (unless there is something wrong)
you need to tell him how it is making you feel and ask him if he stays in touch with her dont keep it a secrate from you!
you really need to sit and talk things through and make sure he isnt on the rebound and ask yourself can you do better?
from the sounds of it yes you can!!!
hope i helped!!!!!!
A
female
reader, Manya  +, writes (18 September 2007):
You acted with great courage to seize up the situation so clearly and move your stuff out! Others could benefit from
your example, because if you two are ever going to "get it
right," he needs to be trustworthy and to answer openly to your questions about this other girl!
I especially think acting fast was good because things could've gotten nasty while instead you've left open the possiblityof him realizing what he's lost with you and
coming back as repentant man.
If he really loves you more than her, as he says, then he should be able to explain what's going on. Perhaps she has some terrible problem and he feels still a friend and that he can help. He should tell you this. But he shouldn't be hurting you or two-timing.
I hope you are doing OK; this must be hard for you!
Keep in touch!!!!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2007): You are not irrational at all. The guy is not over his ex(if we would call her that). The reason he is not with her is because she is far away from him. They have not really broken up.He is using you as a fill-in or substitute.He has to state categorically if he has broken up with her.Do not accept anything less because you deserve so much more.
If he does not, just leave him.He should treat you like a lady.
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (18 September 2007):
 Hi Honey,
No I dont think you acted irationally at all. Why is it that the only people that rattle on about their privacy being evaded are the ones that have something to hide.
At the very least you have kicked him into touch, and proved that you will not put up with this nonsence. You have stood your ground and you should be proud of yourself that you did. If he doesnt come crawling back he wasnt worth your efforts in the first place.
Good Luck and stay strong XX
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