A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:HiI'm 40 and have been divorced with 2 children for 6 years. I have always been on my own, have a good circle of friends, but not dated in that time. I'm friends with a guy at work whose only 22 (and single) he comes out with me and the children on days out and we phone/text almost every day. Problem is I like him too much, I can't tell him as I don't want to spoil our friendship. I just think he wants to be my friend, is this normal for people with an age gap like this?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2009): I understand what your talking about. I'm seeing a man who is 5 yrs younger than me. At first it started simple and I couldn't get over his age. After talking with him about where this relationship was going, I began to realize he knew what he wanted outta life, and was focus on getting there. I can say it's been 4 yrs and we are still happy. This is the best relationship i've ever had, and i'm glad I took the chance despite what everyone else thought. So give it a chance you never know what may come outta of it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2009): I understand what you feel. I had it couple years ago. I thought I felt something is going on with this boy, but Told myself to stop thinking about it. It was draging for 3 years. He would tell me several times about girls that he was seeing , and then once someone broke his heart.I thought he is thinking about me as an older friend. And then one day he said he always liked me and he has so much fun with me. He was really good looking and smart boy, but 17 years difference.... too much. He was only a few years older than my daughter. So, can't tell you, thought it was friendship only, but as it appeared it wasn't.
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A
male
reader, Perspicacious +, writes (19 August 2009):
What is "normal"? Every relationship is different!
I don't think it's particularly "normal" that a 22 year old guy would want to spend time with a 40 year old woman as friends, or for that matter as partners. After all, most relationships do occur between people of similar ages. But something being unusual certainly doesn't make it "wrong" either.
It is possible that he likes you as much as you like him, but doesn't want to make the first move for various reasons. He might be scared of rejection and you thinking he is silly for wanting to be romantically involved with someone older than him. He might feel the age gap is too big to realistically work out. He might find the idea of approaching a mature woman a bit frightening - I know I would have done at his age anyway!
Or maybe he does just want to be your friend. Indeed, given the age gap he might relate to you more as a motherly type figure than anything else.
I'm presuming as you seem to know him quite well that you have known each other for some time? During that time has he dated other people or spoken about other girls? There could be a bit of a clue in the answer to that as to the way he feels about you.
While you don't want to tell him how you feel, there are certainly things you can do to encourage the relationship to move forward. Why not try to increase the time you spend together by perhaps inviting round more often or suggesting going out somewhere together. If he keeps accepting then it's all good, and if not then it was just a friendly suggestion and no harm done.
Sooner or later one of you will have to grasp the nettle so to speak and make a move though, or you could spend the rest of your life wondering "what if?"
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2009): friendship and love come in a varity of packages,
It is up to us whether or not we open the door to let the package in.
If you don't, this gift will surely find another door to go through.
In short, no one person is completely normal to another, no two relationships are the same (different packages).
How about you try this, enjoy the package, quit overthinking what obviously feels right for the both of you. Have a good time and see where things might go.
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