A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi,My boyfriend cheated on me 2 years ago. We had only been going out for a few months and on one drunken night my boyfriend made out with some girl. The next day he told me immediately and said he was sorry and I chose to forgive him. I'm glad I did because I trust him never to cheat on me again and we really do love each other now but sometimes I still get frustrated and upset that he did it. I think it's mainly because I feel like our relationship is perfect except for that night and I cannot stand it. Maybe it has something to do with growing up on disney fairy tales, giving me a false idea of love, etc. Is this normal 2 years down the track in a happy relationship to still get aggrevated by my boyfriend cheating on me? And is it unfair to my boyfriend that it still gets to me sometimes? Again, it's not that I don't trust him, it's just that I still find it upsetting to think about.
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male
reader, manaja  +, writes (12 November 2009):
My friends wife was aggrevated 10 years after my friend had a brief fling, she eventually left him because she couldnt handle it, she never trusted him after that, always checking up on him etc , she was at the point of obsession, she also went out and had a couple of affairs, she left in summer 2007, depressed and an alcoholic, I think if she had the strength she would of left when she found out and not put herself through all that misery.
I really couldnt cope if a girlfriend of mine admitted to a one night stand, I would just feel so let down, ...if there was something wrong with the relationship then you need to talk , if its a drunken thing they did , get rid of them , save the headaches of it later on, you'l get over it they'l live to regret it , if they care rhat is !
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2009): Why would a relationship that is essentially perfect except for that one night not be happy? I know I am in a happy relationship. I don't beat up my boyfriend about this event. I merely said in retrospect it still occassionally upsets me when I am reminded of it. It's not something that anybody wants to happen and while you can move on, I think it's natural for people to wish the event altogether never happened. I also think it's unrealistic for someone to ever delete from their memory that someone cheated on them, unless certain conditions such as dementia permit, and I'm sure you'd probably all agree. Therefore, you cannot guarantee that someone who has been cheated on will not from time to time think about it. And while this may not be often such memories are never pleasing. I know sometimes my boyfriend thinks back on when he cheated on me and feels guilty and also resents the act. Just as I can equally look back on the event and still be upset that this ever had to happen. This is further true for any memories, be them happy or sad. I can remember when my dog died and this still saddens me just as I have many fond memories that I like to reminisce on. Sorry to blab on. Thankyou for you answers, even though I don't agree. I think they made me realise that it's ok for me to be upset about him cheating on me. I will never be happy that it happened but I trust my boyfriend now and I love him. I'm happy enough now to know that when someone says that I'm in an unhappy relationship I know they are wrong.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2009): No eyes. That definitely is not me.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2009): I dont think 2 years is a long time to feel aggrevated by your boyfriends actions. I do think you are probably in the worng relationship though and that if you can't come to terms with this now you should get out before everything else gets worse.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (11 November 2009):
 This wasn't you?
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/should-i-tell-my-boyfriend-about-the-almost.html
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2009): Oh, sorry re-read your answer and you are implying I almost kissed someone else. This is definitely not my question as I have never almost kissed someone. I've only been in one relationship and have never come close to cheating.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2009): I don't understand? What almost kiss? When my boyfriend cheated it wasn't an "almost" kiss, an almost kiss doesn't last for five minutes and involve tongue. And I would appreciate advice seperate from 2 years ago, especiallly as the question you are refferring to does not sound like my own. I do not have trust issues now nor need to work on my self esteem. These are fine.I simply hate the fact that he kissed someone else as it is the one flaw in our relationship and of course I can't undo this.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (11 November 2009):
I read your other question about whether to tell your boyfriend about your "almost" kiss. Like the aunts said this make out session happened at the very beginning of your relationship. I really don't consider it to be cheating. If he's been faithful for the past two years I think you should just try to put this in the back of your mind. Maybe reading up on how to improve your self-esteem would help you also. There are lots of websites and books on the subject. If you continue to harp on it with your boyfriend you just might drive him away.
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