A
female
age
26-29,
*andyCurves
writes:Feeling very down because I see other people my age maturing and getting into relationships. I'm 17 and still haven't properly interacted (i.e dated)with the opposite sex yet. I know there's nothing wrong with that, I am completely normal. I know that there are plenty of other people like me but can't help and think isn't it time that I had that feeling too.. Surely I deserve it.Both my sisters have experienced relationships, even my younger sister has dated someone for 2 years.At college everyone seems to have shared something special with a significant other ,yet I cannot overcome my shyness. When I do, my instincts are overwhelming and tell me it isn't right to be with 'X' because 'X' doesn't feel right. so I have rejected people when they have asked me out in the past for no good reason.
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male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (16 December 2012):
If it doesn’t feel right that’s a very good reason. It’s good that you recognise that you are normal and that plenty of other people are in your situation and often have exactly the same worries and anxieties as you. It’s not easy feeling like everyone else has been able to experience something you haven’t, but remember that what counts isn’t how many relationships you have or how early in life, but finding the right person. Maybe you are shy, maybe you lack confidence. Maybe neither of those are the issue. There could be all kinds of reasons for the fact that you’re probably some-one who needs to get to know some-one well before you could think about anything beyond a friendship. Remember that the best relationships usually start from a firm friendship. If you’re not the kind of person who feels comfortable being asked out by some-one you perhaps haven’t got to know enough beforehand there’s nothing wrong with that. The main thing you should do is keep your friendship circle as wide as possible and try especially hard to form some good friendships with the opposite sex, without necessarily expecting anything more to come of it. This will help you understand guys better and build your confidence around them. If there is some-one you like who asks you out, step out of your comfort zone. Be honest about the fact that you’re anxious but agree to go on a date anyway. Just keep an open mind: once you’ve got past the first one, if there’s to be a second you’ll find it so much easier to agree if you like the person and they seem right. This will take time. Remember that there’s always a bit of good luck involved in meeting Mr Right however much effort you make, and your bit of luck just hasn’t come around yet. Finally, so long as you follow all safety advice you might like to consider on-line dating. On a good site you can find out a bit about each other before meeting up, and filter out people who aren’t looking for the same things as you, or aren’t the kind of person you’d go for. It gets a bad press but on-line dating is great for people who are shy, uncomfortable or just not able to take the ‘See how it goes’ approach without a bit of an introduction to some-one. But most important of all is not to worry about this or think that there’s some cut off point by which you need to have met the right person. The number of, or earliness of, relationships isn’t a measure of success or something that brings happiness.
I wish you all the very best.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2012): You might want to ask yourself and reflect upon what it really is that you want before you voyage out there. Is it really guys you're into? Next, why do you keep rejecting people? Is it because of your insecurity? If yes, it is here the problem lies first and foremost. Try to work on deeling better about yourself. Accept yourself for who you are and be a little bold sometimes. Every once in a while do something that your normal shy self wouldn't do. Approach someone you don't (or do?) know. Just say Hi or whatever works. Go to a party, look at others. How are they doing/behaving. You might learn something or see that you're far far from the only one that has this problem. I, myself, have a hard time getting into relationships. But I'm male. So, at least here in Europe, there's the additional hurdle of having to be the one to engage. Some guys are really pretty or handsome and the girls just come flying. Me? Not so much. I'm not ugly, but I'm no model either. I live in Scandinavia where most people just are very beautiful indeed. Since I'm a little shy myself and girls won't approach me, I've got to make an effort. Maybe so do you. Good luck and remember, you're still very young and many beautiful things are still to come. Just try not to be too naive. Guys that age are 90% interested in sex 10% interested to be able to brag about having a girlfriend.
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