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Is it my imagination that she might be turned on by this older man?

Tagged as: Cheating, Marriage problems<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (22 March 2009) 5 Answers - (Newest, 9 April 2009)
A male United Kingdom age 41-50, anonymous writes:

Is this my imagination or is it real, that’s my dilemma?

I have been married for six years and we have 2 children and both me and my wife are successful in our work, I have my own IT business and she is physiologist.

We are both 29 and she is very beautiful and also very intelligent, she is quite small with a refined delicate bone structure, I have to mention this for you to appreciate the strangeness of my predicament.

We have always had a nice physical relationship and there is a good balance emotionally as well, she knows what my basic sexual desires are, for example I like stockings and suspenders, I like it when she doesn’t ware a bra under sweater or dress, I don’t think there is anything really unusual with these male stereo typical wishes and neither does she. I have only mentioned because it plays a part in my thought processes and concerns as you shall see.

She used to play the piano when at school and while back acquired an electric one, she decides to get tutoring and this is where the problem starts.

I have mentioned her clothes that I find a turn on, thing is though she only caters for this when lets say we going for a night out something or at the weekend she will dress in to give me a subtle hint about her intentions. If for example she is going out with her friends alone for a night out a slightly different dress sense seems to appear, therefore it’s primarily for my benefit.

Recently we seem to be having a lot of sex almost to point to where we were when we just met years ago, she feels a much hotter for some reason. This all started when she started getting these piano lessons. Also for the first time she is wearing those certain items clothing that I like more frequently and disturbingly when she goes for her lessons twice a week.

Obviously I have mentioned my observations too her but she says that it’s for my benefit and that her tutor is 62 and not be silly. I don’t know if you think I am being overly paranoid but I checked out this guy for myself and sure enough he is a white haired guy around that age, slightly over weight but smartly dressed and I think there’s no problem she isn’t going to find him attractive.

Still nagging me is why she is dressing to impress at these lessons. Unfortunately a friend of my mothers who was at school with this guy told me I should watch my wife with him because he has always been a ladies man and he is exceptionally well hung freakishly so apparently. Me I am quite an attractive guy but I am only just around six inches and in the past my wife has jokingly taunted me in light hearted way, usually when she drunk and not thinking straight, she would like to try a large one just once..

My wife is without a doubt turned on by something and especially after her lessons, what I don’t know is to what extent its mental or physical, does she get some enjoyment out of teasing this guy or are they actually playing hide the sausage or in his case the salami.

I could tell her to stop dressing this way but I would probably lose out because she may just ditch this stuff which she is really wearing for my benefit I think?

I was talking to someone about this and his reply was he wouldn’t care because he and his wife have sex about once a month and that’s only just because he wants its.

Also I don’t realise how lucky I am to have wife that’s still hot after two children and several years of marriage. And if some guy was blowing his wife’s tires so that he could ride the bike that would be fantastic.

Is it possible for a young very attractive woman to get a thrill out of a much older man, it seems so unlikely but that’s what I keep dwelling on, Should I just be glad that my wife is still hot.

If I push this too far I may be the one who eventually loses out.

View related questions: bra , drunk, older man, teasing

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (9 April 2009):

eyeswideopen agony auntI have sex with a pudgy, balding 63 year old all the time and find it very erotic...so there.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2009):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Well my wife has admitted it. She says it happened because on the third visit she was wearing her, attractive attire, because straight after the lesson the both of us were going out that night.

The old guy noticed her stockings when she sat at the piano, and while they were sitting there he put his hand on her leg, she says for the life of her she still cannot understand why she permitted this. She admits that the whole thing was strangely erotic because of the age difference and also the timing must coincided with her monthly libido surge. She simply did not prevent his hand from its upward direction and once it located that certain button, it was game on basically.

I put it to her why did she not come to her senses after the first time; she could have easily put it down as just a bizarre aberration that occasionally life will through at you.

She says there is no affection nor could there ever be but when she saw herself in the large wall mirror with this fat old man on top of her it was the most grotesque yet erotic experience she ever had. Evidently it was like performing in porn movie with the knowledge that no-one would find out, a fantasy that I was unaware of. She really meant to stop but basically just kept going back for more.

The lessons have now stopped and she swears nothing like this will ever happen again and I do believe her, naive as that may sound. As for me, there is a feeling of disbelieve that my wife could be so horny that it basically allowed the suspension of common and moral sense. Because I suspected something was afoot I don’t have that shocked feeling you would expect to have if came out the blue, we even had sex since being told and it is oddly more erotic now when she wears those certain clothes. However after the sex is over I then feel annoyed with myself and her for having these base sexual desires, can a heightened libido overrun common sense? Oddly enough she would say that I am partly to blame because I obviously enjoyed the idea of her being hot, though sexual desirability of her clothes, albeit in a subdued manner.

Basically I think my wife has various fantasies just like we all do but now through this experience she has become sort of depraved and I now worry what other sexual requirements she longs for. My wife didn’t have an affair she used a man as a prostitute even if he didn’t know it. It wasn’t the normal handsome model man desire it’s a rather perverse craving therefore is my wife a pervert, that’s the question and what is a pervert?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2009):

I think you should ask her why she's wearing the stockings to the piano lesson.

Some older pervy's know how seduce. The attention can be a high, and if he works on her long enough...who knows? I don't want to worry you, but maybe you should bring up the subject of affairs and how it can kill a marriage. Do you(and her) know any couples that ended their marriage because of an affair, or the devestation it caused? Stories linger in the mind, especially when she thinks of all she will lose.

Oh, I just thought of this, if he IS a womanizer, then get your facts, and some night say 'Guess what I found out about ___?' When she hears he 'uses' woman, she won't feel so special. Maybe even question if he has a STD with of his lifestyle. I'm good aren't I. ha ha j.k.

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A male reader, InterCntlCHmp Canada +, writes (23 March 2009):

I don't think your wife is cheating.

Albeit the freakishly hung piano teacher is really something to think about.

I think she probably is getting some kind of mental stimulation from the piano teacher but the most important thing is that she's coming home to you for the cock.

You hold no domain over her. you can't tell her to quit her lessons etc.. that's actually pretty weak if you did.

It seems like you have a happy sex filled marriage. Don't snoop around. Talk to your wife and mention your insecurities or suspicions in an honest and vulnerable way.

I'm sure she'll put your mind at ease. Then go to the nearest sex shop and buy a BIG fucking dildo you can both have fun with.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2009):

you obviously know your wife better, so start investigating more.

And yes, the big age gap does nothing when it comes to sexual attraction. Listen to the "little voice" that is telling you that something is not right. And listen to the mother's friends advice about this man having a reputation.

Suggestion: you too start playing the piano and get him to tutor you concurrently with your wife. Then you can witness for yourself whether there is more to this tutor/pupil relationship. You need to eliminate this threat in your relationship.

How I just don't know. You cannot ask her to stop the lessons. Then you will be in trouble. But also tell her that you are uncomfortable with her sudden dress sense when going for lessons.

Hard one this, but your wife is playing at something, and something has sparked her recent performance. Is it the 62 yr old? You go find out.

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