A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I had been with my guy for a little more than 1 year. He was a Virginia when he met me however, I wasn't. I have my own regrets and mistakes that I made being naive and trusting my exs when they promised me futures. My guy knew and he couldn't get over it for a long while and now he is even madder at me cause I couldn't remember exactly on what happened and where it happened for his first time with me. He suspected that I don't remember a month or two after and felt hurt but decided to keep it to himself. He felt that I do not respect him enough to remember his first time with him and that he wasn't special to me and was just another experience to me. It is not true, I do respect him and this relationship and I find it unfair that he compared it like that. He felt hurt and he slept with 2 other women on separated occasions in this relationship and he told me about it only recently after he confirmed with me that I couldn't really remember his first time. I do remember bits and pieces but I remember more of his other times with me than his first which is supposed to be special and magical to him and is an important moment and memory that he thought we both could have. I told him I didn't know that this was THIS important to him. I definitely meant something to me and apparently it meant the whole world to him but to me, he meant the whole world to me, not that. I am even ready to blame his unfaithfulness on myself for he said he did that cause he felt that sex and love are different since I cannot even remember clearly of his magical moment that he kept and gave to me.I am really sorry that I couldn't remember everything that happened but it doesn't mean that I don't respect him and he isn't special to me. I respect us enough that I am faithful to this relationship, unlike what he did. And he is special enough to me that I can give up my family and fly to this country just to be with him, had a one and only tattoo of his name on my shoulder blade and took great care of him, being here for him, changing whatever traits or habits he doesn't like about me and being supportive and motivative. I don't know how to handle this issue and let him understand how I feel and make him see how much he mean to me. Can anyone help me please?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2013): Thank you for your reply... It was a long distance for 3 months and I had came over to Australia to be with him for 1/2 year now.. Now, he felt sorry for what he did. However, it is kind of frustrating to have arguments with him every now and then. He always blames me for my poor communication skills. I don't know how true it is. Just this morning we got into an argument because..1. My hp had incoming notification last night but because we are going to sleep we didn't check. This morning I unlocked my iphone to off the alarm before it rings and the notifications on the screen was cleared, it was just some junk notification like Facebook and groupon offers and such so I do not paying attention to it. Later, we heard 2 notifications that came in, he asked me, I thought its his phone so after he checked, he didn't say anything and he asked me if my phone is with me, want me to check and it was my sister who messaged me and he was beside, so he asked who was that I naturally told him it's my sis. And I was replying my sis when he asked me what about last night, and I told him its nothing just fish off game notification and such. And after that I told him I think it was groupon and Facebook.. And he starts to get suspicious of me saying that I keep changing my words, how can he not suspect me. 2. We settled that and he bring up saying that if I could have think properly and answered directly, he wouldn't be asking so much and suspecting me. And that I should tell him what was it when I check my phone this morning. Why do I have to wait till he ask. How would I know this bothers him since last night? If I knew, I would have told him this morning...3. He proceed to say that it is my communication problem. That I cannot say everything but have to wait for him to keep asking part by part before he gets the whole thing. 4. He asked me to go away, saying that the more i say, it doesnt help at all when I tried to talk to him more. And while I'm driving him to work, he said he was waiting for me to talk to him about it and settle it. And when i said he asked me to go away and stop talking, he said he said that but he wanted me to still talk to him after to show that I still care. He said he told me before and in my mind it was another situation, not the one he was referring to and when he finally said recently he told me on the bed, my brain didn't register that part cause I was driving and partly cause I was thinking about that situation that was in my mind, I just thought that maybe he remembers wrongly or say wrongly. So I kept arguing and in the end it was different situation that he and I had in our mind and he got mad again saying that how could I thought that he said wrongly, and I don't ask and clarify. Slams the car door and walked away. Is it really that I have a communication problem that bad? Is it really all only my fault and my bad communication?
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (19 April 2013):
 Let's review. You've accepted the blame for HIS infidelity. You are accepting the blame for not remember every single itty bitty detail of encounters where your brain is NOT supposed to be working, it's your body that feels things. Basically, he's expecting you to be like a recording device instead of a passionate, feeling human being.
Your guy has something called retroactive or retrograde jealousy. It's not your fault, it's not your issue, it's something HE has to deal with. His choice of being unfaithful is HIS choice, not yours.
It sounds like a long-distance relationship. He sounds like an immature drama queen with unrealistic expectations and a vindictive streak as well.
If he chooses not to try to understand or empathize or acknowledge that you are entitled to your own feelings and reactions, then he's a very very poor choice for a life partner. You'd be walking on eggshells all the time. That's no way to live.
I'd stop trying to become the carpet lint under the doormat (that's an idiom for prostrating yourself so low that you are beneath even the worms in an attempt to appease his anger) and I would say, "No more berating me, no more crap from you. Take me as I am. I'm worth it. If you can't, your loss." Stand up for yourself and do not allow yourself to be beaten for HIS infidelity and your sad breakups. That's ridiculous. Enough is enough. You've paid for whatever transgression you made in his eyes, over and over again.
If it were me in your shoes? He'd be my EX long distance guy. I know I am worth more than his dismal treatment.
And I'd be looking into tattoo removal.
I wish you personal strength.
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