A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi there. I'm 18 years old, and there's a girl I like who is 16 years old. We'll call her Claire. We met in February and became friends. At first, I didn't have any feelings for her. We were just "friends". She would do things that made me think she had feelings for me.. such as cutting school to hang out with me all day (not something I exactly approve of, but whatever). We'd hang out a lot, and I enjoyed it. She was fun to talk to, we'd sit in restaurants for hours just bullshitting about stuff. We just had a really great time together.I had a girlfriend at the time, who was kinda giving me problems. Claire helped me with the situation, she would give me advice, etc etc and.. it worked. I thought she was really cool, and knew for a fact now that she didn't have feelings for me after the way she acted! However.. I soon grew feelings for her, and they would build every single day we were together. I didn't say anything, and in fact I tried avoiding her because of them. I was very happy with my girlfriend, and didn't want to ruin what we shared. I rarely talked to her afterwards.. fast forward a few months into May. My girlfriend breaks up with me. It caught me off guard and killed me. I went straight to Claire and she helped every possible way she could. I took the advice and support of several people, and it helped me move on quickly.A few weeks later, I decided to tell Claire how I felt about her. I told her everything. How I felt when I hung out with her, the things I felt with her I didn't feel with my ex (tried not to compare but uhh yeah...), etc etc. She told me she was shocked.. and she felt exactly the same way. She always had a crush on me, but just wanted me to be happy so she helped me with my ex at the time. She told me she would love to date me, but she was scared. She never had a boyfriend before. She looked up to me, she thought I was this "all-knowing relationship god". She was afraid she'd be a terrible girlfriend. I told her not to worry. I told her I won't be teaching her how to be a girlfriend, and she'd learn as things progress if we took things slowly. I told her not to be afraid, not to be intimidated by me, and to just be herself. She said okay. Now, her parents were extremely strict and didn't want her dating PERIOD. She's of Armenian descent, which also makes it extremely harder, because they would prefer to keep the bloodline pure (according to her, not me). I had met her mom a few times, and her mom liked me. I suggested to Claire that I talk to her mom one-on-one about how I feel, and her thoughts of me dating Claire. Claire was enthusiastic about it all, and we set up a little meeting. I picked up Claire as she left work, and we would meet up with her mom and walk home together. I talked to her mom, yadda yadda, she liked me but just didn't want her daughter dating. She said she was too young, and didn't want drama, didn't want to risk screwing up her studies over something that can wait until after school. While I didn't agree, I respected her mother's decision. After all, she is her mother!Afterwards, I told Claire we can still be friends, and she accepted it. But.. it just went downhill. I hardly talk to her anymore, I hardly see her anymore. I would ask her if we could hang out, she says sure, then days later I wouldn't hear from her at all and it's like we never made the date. I wouldn't hear from her for days, I'd text her, leave her a message, and half of the time, I'd get a reply. Now, she won't even contact me unless it'd be a response to one of my messages. I don't know why she's acting like this. She tells me it has nothing to do with me, and she's not ignoring me.. but what am I supposed to believe? I don't know what to do, I tried getting through to her to find a reason and it's a different excuse everyday. "I like this other guy.. but I still like you too. My mom doesn't like me on the phone, she doesn't like me texting, doesn't like me going out, I'm always busy at home, etc."I tried to believe her. I'd talk to her a week later, and she'd tell me all the things she did during the week; going out with her friends, going to the movies, doing all this stuff we were supposed to do together. I am befuddled, especially after everything she told me. Telling me I was her ideal guy, telling me she couldn't stop thinking about me. Now it's like the tables have turned, and I don't know what to do!
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crush, move on, my ex, never had a boyfriend, period, text Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2009): Hello guys, thanks for your answers (I'm the OP). I've given her her space. I would go days, if not a week or two without talking to her and she wouldn't contact me at all. She would tell me things like "i don't know how to reply to you. I'm afraid i'd look stupid".. among other stuff. The last time she willingly wanted to talk to me was when one our friends was talking to her about me. If that hadn't happened, then i most likely would not have heard from her at all :/
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (10 August 2009):
 I totally agree with Rifraf, it sounds like she doesn't exactly know what she wants! And I'm sure that her parents disapproval adds to the heaviness of her decision. I think if I were you, I'd let her know that you're very much interested and give her a little space to figure out what exactly she wants and if she's willing to date you, despite the difficulties that she'll inevitably get from her parents. I would let her know that you'd like to get to know her family and that you'll willing to do what it takes to be accepted by her parents. Don't encourage going behind their back!!
Good luck, my sweet... I'm sure this is just as hard on her as it definitely is on you!
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