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male
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anonymous
writes: Do you think it's possible to fall in love with someone if you are not physically attracted to them, even after a few months of dating? We have great chemistry and get along quite well, always laughing and having fun, but the spark isn't there. We're really comfortable together and can talk about anything and everything, but i'm concerned a lack of physical attraction will ruin the relationship and prevent it from going further. I'm pretty skinny, and my gf is a little heavy. She's really pretty though, but still no lust physcially. what should i do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2006): Hey budz, I felt excatly like that with my bf, he was 2 years older than me, and i met him and i fell head over heels with his personality.. and i thot about why am i with someone that i dont feel physically attracted to? I just thot he was cute, not totally georgeous or anything. My advice for you is to give it time, if you love someone you will love all of them, even their flaws (them not being extremly good looking) Whatever you do, don't let them know this, dont act liek you are ashamed because of the way they look, it won't help, just give it time and you will learn to love them, all of them :P good luck :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2006): Hey budz, I felt excatly like that with my bf, he was 2 years older than me, and i met him and i fell head over heels with his personality.. and i thot about why am i with someone that i dont feel physically attracted to? I just thot he was cute, not totally georgeous or anything. My advice for you is to give it time, if you love someone you will love all of them, even their flaws (them not being extremly good looking) Whatever you do, don't let them know this, dont act liek you are ashamed because of the way you look, it won't help, just give it time and you will learn to love them, all of them :P good luck :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2006): your problem is exactly same as mine. i dont have advice for you - but rather - am extremely keen to hear what advice you receive....
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female
reader, Angel ron +, writes (12 June 2006):
 cause it is physical attraction tpo eberything to love some one for who they are is far more importmat than their looks physical attraction lasts for five mins whereas real attraction is for life
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female
reader, bonym  +, writes (12 June 2006):
 My friend consider this, lets imagine you were born blind, so you have never ever seen anything in your life, you have no concept of colour, black, white, pink, they mean nothing to you, I cant describe colours to you because they are colours and they need to be seen. You cant see sizes, big, small, wide, thin. I cant describe sizes, you need to see them. You cant see height, I cant describe tall or petite to you. Can you see my point, if you were unable to see, then some blind folk fall in love with others and obviously their love is not based physical attraction, but yet it can happen. In your case, it just seems to me that you dont fancy your girlfriend, physical attraction is not the be all and end all, but if there is no physical desire there, it will make intimacy a bit difficult. Perhaps the two of you are better off being friends as opposed to gfriend and bfriend. You said this: We're really comfortable together and can talk about anything and everything, that sounds like perfect friedship to me. xXx
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female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx +, writes (12 June 2006):
 I've always believed that there must be some physical/sexual attraction between a couple. After all, you can have a laugh and get on great with your best mate; how is that different to your girlfriend if you don't fancy her?
I know that not everyone is attractive and everyone does deserved to be loved (that sounds awful but it's true, isn't it?) It sounds vain and shallow to say that they've got to be gorgeous for you to want to be with them, that's not true.
You know when you see a couple walking down the street, one's really good looking and the other just isn't? Well, you know what they say, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Just because the person isn't overly attractive doesn't mean you can't be physically attracted to them or find them sexy.
At the end of the day, if you love someone, what they look like doesn't matter. As you get older, you'll realise that looks are really not that important and, in fact, it's the beautiful people that really do not have nice personalities! It sounds to me like you and this girl simply have a good friendship and that should be cherished.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2006): "Do you think it's possible to fall in love with someone if you are not physically attracted to them"
You are the only person who can answer that question for yourself.
Others would answer your question in different ways. Some would say their has to be physical chemistry, others would say that physical attraction can come after love.
Only you know if this feels right for you, just see how it goes and you will find your own answers.
Perhaps it will become nothing more than a good friendship, or perhaps it will become a lot more. Give it time and see how things progress :)
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female
reader, Wendyg +, writes (12 June 2006):
 Well love sometimes is a wierd thing! Of course you can have love withtout the attraction, the same as you can have attraction without love! Sometimes it is the person that we feel attracted to first and fall in love with them, its not until later on that we start to feel more attacted to them, to love them is to love them warts and all! You say she is pretty, but a little larger than you would like ? Is it because you are slightly on the skinny side that you are thinking this, is it more what other people think than what you think ? Are you sure its that and nothing else ? Im guessing perhaps you do love her and you get on great together, maybe there is something holding you back because you are scared ? And this is just a silly thing to stop you ? Sometimes the attraction can come months later, its hard to tell, you have to be comfortable being with her and if her size is stopping you being attracted then maybe you never will ? It sounds as though it is her size stopping you , so maybe you could learn to look past this ? If not you might find that you will have to let her down gently, but do think long and hard about it, it could be your mind set, we dont all have to be slim and have great figures to be attractive, we all see things differently, but i do think its possible to have attraction come later on, suddenly he can just happen.
Take care
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female
reader, loveisapain +, writes (12 June 2006):
 well I am fully aware of how that can fell. My curant boyfriend is really shiny and I considder myself a littel overweight. But there for a while we were not physicly atracted to eachother at all. but we slowly grew into it and now we are really great. And we get along and are atracted to eachother in all ways..
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female
reader, hannieseds  +, writes (12 June 2006):
 Hey there,
I think it is definitely possible to fall in love with someone, but not in the physical/sexual way. That is only a small side of love, really, and you say you get on well and have great chemistry, which are very important elements to loving someone fully.
It sounds like you are more 'really good friends'. To have a relationship with this girl, you need to have that spark and if you wanted to try and make it work, you would not be commenting on the fact that she is a 'little heavy' - are you saying that if she wasn't a 'little heavy', you would be attrached to her? Maybe you don't deserve someone like her if you think this way - remember, it is possible for you to start being attrached to her later down the line AFTER you get to know each other - people CAN 'grow' into each other in time.
You need to talk to her about this and let her down gently if she isn't the one for you - you say you can talk about anything & everything, so this shouldn't be a problem. Continue to be friends if she'll let you, but don't you dare string her along if you know you can NEVER be attrached to her because of the way she looks. Don't do that to her self-confidence.
xxx
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