A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of 2 years moved to another town a year ago for a job. We were living together and everything was great.The plan was that I follow him there once I get a job.It's been a year now and initially I missed him like crazy and I thought I would do anything to be with him, but in this time I got a promotion at work, better salary and career prospects and the urgency of being with him seems to have gone.I love him but I don't have that extreme urgency to pack up and go anymore, as amateur of fact I'm doubting that decision.Is it just that time has changed my attitude or the promotion has made me think again or both?Or maybe the distance has made us grow apart.I'm wondering if I should raise this issue with my boyfriend or just keep quiet about my feelings and see how things turn out.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (3 December 2011):
 Well this isn't that difficult to figure out when you look at it from the outside. Your feelings towards your boyfriend haven't changed. Distance hasn't made you grow apart, and your attitude towards him hasn't changed. The only thing that has changed is you missing him. And why? Not because you don't love him any longer, or desire him, or want to be with him, but because, plain and simple, you have your own life now and you got used to living without him and realizing it isn't going to kill you. Before he left you weren't independent, you were depending on him for a lot. Now you got used to being on your own and aren't depending on him to get your life around and have happiness.
The way I see it this is good. I think you are finally at a stage where you can decide what you want from this relationship for the RIGHT reasons. Missing him isn't the right reason to move with him. Of course you missed him when he left, because you were used to having him around. You need to decide if you want him in your life for the right reasons, and the right reasons is not that you got used to having him there. The right reason is not to find a man to be "complete". You should always be complete on your own, which you currently are, before you decide if you want to bring another man into your life to contribute to it.
Is he a good addition to your life? And you love him and care for him? Then you and him can have a great future. Being able to be apart without crying yourself to sleep every night is a healthy sign, because it just shows you aren't dependent on him to be happy. You are your own person, and you can get by without him holding your hand. Now is the right time to decide if he makes a good contribution to your life, and is someone you want to continue sharing your life with.
A
female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (3 December 2011):
 Hi
Sometimes when we have other things to keep us busy and foccused, we tend to do well on our own. It dont mean you have lost the feelings for your partner, just dealing better with the abcence of seeing him . I bet when you meet up again all the feelings will rush back. But if not, then maybe it's a sign that you have grown apart. In which case if you can stay feinds one day you might end up back with each other.
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