A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend I have been together over 4 years. We were planning to get married this december, but we had been having some arguments/differences, and I had started to have some serious trust issues with her. She started to hang out with a single man quite a bit, and tried to hide it/lied about him. Events leadup, and I finally had enough one night and with a fit of rage brokeup. No violence, I was just incredibly hurt and angry. Soon after I wanted her back, and we talked for months, and finally we decided to try it again. I was incredibly happy and we talked through some things and it was looking better than ever before. Before the breakup, she and I had planned to move together next year for her to go to school, however later on she decided to go to school earlier, and after we got back together and before she left we were seriously talking about me coming down next semester. I was laid-off, right before she left and am trying to sell my house and find odd-jobs as she's asked me to wait until she comes back at break because she wants to get through a semester before making a decision. She is under serious stress and our communication as basically went from loving, working-together talks to Im always studying and I don't have time to talk to you. She's not publically (with friends) addressing us back together, and when I went to visit, she was increasingly distant. I saw this, and of course, started to ask questions and tell her I was getting concerned with what is happening, again. She states that she thinks because she's so busy, that I wonder if she's cheating, although I don't feel like that is actually happening (I'm not sure she would tell me if she was). She basically became extremely distant once school started. Shes on FB alot, posts alot of questions through out the day, and when I ask why she does that, and that I felt like she'd rather talk to other people than I, she immediately starts to back away and tell me I'm jealous. I feel like she's going back and forth about us, and can't decide whether she wants to be with me or not. She states theres no reason why this won't work, and that she wants to date me, but then has no time to talk to me, and when she does, its very platonic conversations?So right now, I have decided that since all of this and the fact we've been together for sooo long, that its worth waiting another 2 months to see how she feels, (and I haven't sold my house). I'm trying to decide whether I should make myself less available, staying off-line of FB and skype in an attempt to hopefully help her realize how important I am or whether I should continue to be available and still send her messages and ask hows shes doing and try to be as supportive as I can.
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male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (12 October 2009):
 Ah the dreaded FACEBOOK! Young man, social sites such as Facebook and Myspace are RELATIONSHIP KILLERS!
Look through these threads with a Facebook Tag or a Myspace Tag. If there is anything wrong in a relationship, those places bring it out into the open.
Having owned a few small social sites myself, and having some experience in dealing with people at both places (FB and MS)I am afraid she is getting all the attention she wants through social sites. Sounds like she is having an internet if or emotional relationship through FB that is real to her. I mean if she is telling you how busy she is and then on FB so much, then saying you are jealous...
By the way, you already know that she has lied to you in the past right?
Listen, A lot of people give me crap around here for being too blunt about what I think is going on, but I would rather tell you something you may NEED to hear rather than blow smoke up your ass and tell you that this is nothing and it will all work out.
My opinion: She is moving on ad you are in the process of being emotionally replaced. I'm very sorry, but thats what is happening. Her insistence that you are jealous when she has every opportunity to communicate something with you is indicative of decietful behavior.
The writing is on the wall. I suggest you consider moving on, because it sounds like she already has. Sorry its happening to you, but like I said, read some of the posts with FB or Myspace Tags on them. They generally sound similar to your situation, and generally end very badly.
So with that I am going to imbibe you with a pearl of wisdom that I once read and then learned the hard way about people, especially in romance. It is called the Law of Three Lies. I think this may hurt when you read it, but it may make some sense to you.
Best of Luck
When considering a relationship of any kind, practice the Rule of Threes regarding the claims and promises a person makes, and the responsibilities he or she has. One lie, one broken promise or a single neglected responsibiltiy may be a misunderstanding instead. Two may involve a serious mistake. But three lies says you're dealing with a liar, and deceit is the linchipin of conscienceless behavior. Cut your losses and get out as soon as you can. Leaving, though it may be hard, will be easier now than later, and less costly. Do not give your money, your work, your secrets or your affection to a three-timer. Your valuable gifts will be wasted.
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