A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating my girlfriend for quite awhile. In that time we've been evolving and had our ups and downs as any couple have. We split up for a couple of months this summer, and then got back together, and I've since started realizing where the real problems lie with myself and my issues with her. Here is my ultimate issue. My girlfriend has had multiple relationships, usually never being single for more than a month, sometimes getting involved before the prior one is finished. We both know she has an issue with closure, but thats another issue, I think.The question I have is...She cycles very badly. For a time she wants to be with me, loves me wholeheartidly, cares about me, wants to be with me, communicates constantly with me, etc. Then the cycle changes. She becomes very very distant, very vague platonic communication, gets very touchy, doesn't want to tell me about her life, tries to hide things, etc, then the cycle changes again. Its not really clockwork, but I can tell you this has happened at least 6-7 times in the last 4 years. When I bring it up to her, she tells me I am extremely jealous, and that makes her distant. We broke up last summer, and got back together, things were never better, except that she was leaving to go to school, where she left and we had great conversations until about a month ago, she claims school just got hard and takes everything out of her, but to me the cycle continues again, very distant (yes Im 2000 miles away). I haven't gotten a phone call in 2 weeks (she won't answer), we talk on skype daily, but only very vague talks, if I try to get heavier communication, she backs away and tellls me its not the time. Has anyone dealt with this type of personality before? Is there any secrets? I'm certain she will cycle again, but I don't want to pour my heart out again, only to get stopped again short when the cycle moves again. This is hard.The entire time its happened, I have done the same thing in reaction, I get frustrated and try to talk to her about it. Of course that upsets her, and we have an argument. I need to do something else, and so I am stuck...A part of me wants to stop being there for her, and become unavailable, however the other part of me wants to be the loving person I am, and support her by always being there on teh other end of the line. What should I do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2009): I think you become unavailable. Once she sees that you're no longer "sweating" her she'll be back and by that time you'll have moved on to bigger and better things!
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