A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi. Last January I started talking to this girl in my math class. We started to get really close and we had a sort of unofficial relationship. But we talked almost every night for months. We got really really close and she eventually was comfortable enough with me to tell me a really important secret. The secret was that she had clinic depression and she had cut herself and even attempted suicide. I freaked out at first but I began to think I was okay with it. But as time went by she kept telling me how serious it was and how she kept doing it. She told her parents and stuff but it didnt seem to get any better. As it kept being brought to my attention I began to get really stressed out and I didn't know what to do. We kept breaking up and getting back together because I kept thinking I didn't want to be with her anymore but then changing my mind. She had apparently gotten help for her depression but she was apparently back to normal after a couple of weeks, which I just found impossible to believe. Even with that possibility, I was still stressed out and unhappy. It got so serious that I just called it quits all together around early June. I wanted to still be good friends with her but she told me she needed space when she went away for the entire summer. When mid June came I began to miss her so much. I knew I still had feelings for her but if I went back with her she would not have been happy. But I am so miserable all of the time, even though I was still miserable when we were together. A couple of days ago I saw her with another guy and she was basically all over him. It bothered me a lot at first but now I'm sorta happy for her and okay with it, even though I am sorta jealous. But right now I am just so confused and depressed still. I don't know what I really want because I broke up with her but a part of me really regretted it because I missed her. Right now I am just so confused, I can't even picture another relationship right now and I have ceased to move on. I just can't even decipher what I really want right now. I mean I know even if we were to get back together (which she refuses to do because she doesn't want to get heartbroken again) I wouldn't be happy anyway. But I just don't know what I want, is it just total jealousy that is clouding my judgement?
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female
reader, cthulhuhugs +, writes (1 September 2008):
 Reading this reminds me how lucky I am that I got old =D. It's normal to miss someone and mourn the loss of their presence when you break up, but it does go away with time. It sounds like your ex needs to take care of herself before she tries to have a romantic relationship. Mental illness doesn't just go away, and it's very difficult to deal with. You have ups and downs, and it tends to be unpredictable. With proper treatment it's possible to lead a happy and productive life, but first you've got to get help. If I were you I'd stay her friend and be supportive of her, but you don't sound as if you're at a stage in your life where you can handle being romantically involved with someone who is going through what she is. If you do decide to stick with her, and you get her back, I suggest looking into support groups for loved ones with mental illness, to gain a better understanding of what she is going through and get some coping tools for dealing with your reaction to it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2008): Jealousy? No, you've only realised what you've lost. My advice: What the heck, tell her how you feel. How you felt when she left. Come clean with her and for heaven's sake don't break up with her again. It does show you love her so don't stand there, go after her!Good luck, friend. =)
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