A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello..read on, Im starting from the beginning..I have met an Arab guy. He was in awe when we met.1 week after meeting we slept together. It was going to happen from the start.There was serious attraction. Before we even slept together everything was passionate and intense, even holding my hand. He would watch me doing simple things with fire in his eyes. I have blue eyes,pale, golden hair..it seems they like this.He told me on our first meet that I will never know much about him that his life is complicated but he will do anything for me if I ask.We were both nervous a little the 1st time we made love. I was suprised he was but in no time it began. I can honestly it was passion,affection and intensity I have never known.Before that night I spent a week of me making it clear I was not a tart of any type and never ever do one night stands and him saying that Im a lady and a kind, sweet one aswell...the next morning after the hotel he began some sort of game. First of all he got up and left the hotel the next morning before me, didnt txt til I did. Then sent a `that was amazing, take care' txt. To which a txt rally started with me trying to get to the bottom of his behaviour.It turned out that he decided to tell me that he knows I will fall in love with him, that he saw it in my eyes and we cant have complications. He agreed to meet me so we could talk. I was cold with him and he didnt expect it at all. He knew I was angry just by my txts. Within 10 mins we were siting on the sofa in the place we first met, utterly smitten. Mirror images of each others bodies eyes locked.he was concerned that I would be hurt as he had already told me that every year he goes back home for a few months but this year he may not return. It would mean that we may never see each other again unless I visit of course.He says I know that we can only meet sometimes that he has business to attend and family that watch over him. He asks would I be happy with that.Truthfully he is right but I am older than him, know he has family and cultural obligations and Im happy to take a few months of odd meets just to be with him till he goes, as he is so wonderful, he has brought me back to life. Not just the sex, its him the way he is. He is almost majestic,he has a powerfulway about him, full of life and great fun. He is amazing to know.If I love him and I will love him, it cant be stopped. It will just be a wonderful memory one day.Now for the problems... which have only just started to occur...I cant bite or scratch him, I cant be seen with him in the city, I cant hardly see him, he snatches a few hours. If we meet I have to go into the meet place ahead or behind him. He has a mysterious uncle that stays sometimes and notes his txts frequency and watches everything he is doing. He is def being watched, almost chaperoned actually. He cant even let me near him as he leaves as my long hair and scent may get on his clean showered body.....I know where he lives only because he left the hotel invoice on the side. I know where his businesses are because I figured it out.Other than that id not know.He uses a car and driver. This driver saw me and him together and he didnt mind at first, he walked holding my hand. Today he picked him up and he told me I couldnt go outside to the car.....We never make plans though he has asked when will I get a new place, told me where I should live (miles away from the main city) told me I should get away for a break-he come too just for one night. He asked if I would ever think of going to egypt.He suprised me by asking what Im going to get him for his birtday (he will be long gone back to egypt by then so I cant understand why he would ask and keep joking about it)Oh theres more but I have to stop. I know what you are going to say..hes married or a player. I suspect both. Though he tells me he wants me in his life he says we cannot be together, together properly. of course not. You can say Im niave but I cant not trust everyone. I have been hurt by men before so Im not totally stupid. he appears to want to see me just 2-3 times per month. Today we made love just once and he said that he had to see me before he goes away on business for a week to London.We had cozy few hours, watching tv, cooking, playing and messing about.Now you have read this tale, know that I see great fondness in his eyes, we cannot sit together without curling toward each other even in public. He treats me like Im the sweetest thing. I want nothing from him but his time and Ive told him this. I would never jeopardise his future or impede on his families plans.In a fantasy world...I would love to know him forever, without a soul knowing.His father is ill and travels to London for treatment but he doesnt say what. He obviously has family responsibilites and obligations. I dont know what to do or think.I just trust him, hes told me I should just trust and believe. He says we are very close and I that I know we are and I do not need to worry.Is it his culture (which I totally respect) or is he not for real at all???Thanks for listening to this lenghty story. It is fun if a bit worrying. Any advice or thoughts??
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2011): UPDATE,final
It has ended. I still dont know who or what he is. I think his family and religion have come first naturally. After that there are things maybe I dont know or wish to know about. He has a huge family, is possibly one of the youngest. They live true to their culture. Knowing what I know, I on the positive side like to think he is simply not allowed to be near me. He may well have had a final warning. Or he has simply moved on, found another.One more valuable.
We had a 17 day gap and it is a long time. He was working and away also.In that time 4 days before he came back, I felt I didnt want this anymore. I didnt really know why.I was sick of no contact when he would go away or minimal. I figured that it compromised his morals to be sitting with his family or even wife and be txting me too. One day I asked if I could send a pic of me to his phone(my face smiling) and he brushed over it. I wondered if he was worried about his phone being seized by one of the family and checked. Anyway in the back of my mind it was the age gap, Im younger and his religion. Our 2nd to last meet we were chatting and I asked him if it bothered him what we do and he looked at me and answered an honest `yes, sometimes' but added that he is only human. It played on my mind that I was encouraging him to go against all he had known. I thought I should no longer provide my body. Not to absolve myself. As far as Im concerned, being no denomination and a fatalist, we were meant to meet. What I did with him I did with love(loosely termed)I am incapable of any sort of sexual relation unless I connect with a man. If my heart says no so does my body.I figured `God' had put us together. So I felt no guilt. Yes you will say `o come on he can get it anywhere' yes but what he does without me seeing is not relevant to me. I decided to continue as I was a safe choice. I respected his ways, would never try to get pregnant and/or blackmail him for money like some girls would. I would selflessly protect him. I would do it out of a kind of love. I also benefited but only because I thought he may care something for me.
Yet he saw a different me on our last meet.I was sweet to him. He held me tight, squeezing me, buried his face in my hair, sighed and said ` oh missed u, missed u' I did not return it. I wanted to get back to being a friend for a while, see where it went.He put his head on my lap and sighed saying he has things on his mind. We had 2 hours together. He told me he was supposed to be somewhere and he had changed it for me. I believed him.Pls note the huge family/business/obligations thing.
I asked questions, gave my opinion, was defiant to his requests, made a witty sarcastic joke..NOT about Islam. Scared him when I spoke of a superstition.We have other differences too. Religious and cultural. Thing is I accept everybody. I love the diversity of the planet. I love animals, he doesnt. I believe in a God or good force that is all about love and compassion. Pretty simple really. However we had alot in common too. We seemed to know what the other was thinking and laughed alot. It wasnt all about sex, well not for me.
He was annoyed by the end of his visit.He left quickly. He never got back to me til I asked the right Q. He knew I would know eventually what to ask.I asked if he didnt want this anymore and he answered yes and said he would not answer why. He told me he has many problems and is very depressed. I saw it as he came up the path that last time. He told me a while ago that he laughs all the time because if he didnt he would cry.
I think now to how I had been fooled. He never said lhe loved me, he wouldnt be so cheap. He did say I was very special to him. He would txt that he needs me and is missing me badly. When we would make love the look in his eyes was so deep. It could be mistaken for love.I cried once after it was so intense.I will one day see it was all fake. Right now Im still thinking and hoping he wasnt a liar.
I will lastly add my advice to anyone thinking that being involved with an Arab Muslim man is a good idea. I didnt seek him, he appeared to me. He is beautiful and different. It was for a while like having an arab horse. Strangely anyone that knows arab horses and cats will tell you both are tempermental and full of pride, much like these men. Most powerful of all are religion and culture. More powerful than your kindness or love. You will never be higher than that. You will not change him or satisfy him. He needs you only for your body (which he will hate both you and himself for) or your passport. For your heart and souls sake dont let these charming men cast their spell.
A
female
reader, Miss.Me  +, writes (19 March 2011):
 I don't know where Bernard got his info, but Arabs don't take offense to being called "Arab." You can call them "Egyptian/Syrian/Jordanian," or simply "Arab" and no one will think it's rude. I've lived in a Middle Eastern country and lived between Arabs to know this. But to answer your question, I believe this guy is just using you. He is too mysterious. He sees you only a couple of times a month, that means he has a routine life elsewhere and comes to you for a lighthearted time. His culture is a strict one; he shouldn't be sleeping around, especially not with Arabic girls, so he goes to other women. Some of these guys adopt this ideology: "I'll have fun with Western women, but I'll marry a good obedient girl of my background." Another thing is that he's not open with you. He's keeping everything hidden from you, and it seems like he's inventing stories of sick fathers, watchful uncles, business obligations, etc. These may or may not be true, I don't know. But why is he so afraid of you being found out? It's because HE has something to hide. Yes, the Arabic culture is a collectivist culture, meaning that the individual can't always enjoy total freedom. If he's married, obviously what he's doing is not right. If he's not married, he's using you just for his fun.He told you you should "just trust and believe." But likewise, he shouldn't be acting so shady for you to be able to trust him. My advice is to let this guy go. Culture can be blamed somewhat for how this guy is behaving, but ultimately it's his individual self that should be blamed.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2011): It truly sounds like he is married. You need to ask him to start including you more in his life. If he cares he will otherwise he will disappear into thin air. Either way you will have your answer. You cannot keep on with this wondering, it will drive you crazy.
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A
female
reader, GeeGee255 +, writes (19 March 2011):
 There is only one reason why am man would be worried about bites and scratches. Because he is afraid that someone might see them. Maybe he is married, or just has another girlfriend but he is hiding you from someone.
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A
female
reader, Manya +, writes (19 March 2011):
It sounds like a fairy tale, and there are true sparks of love there, but love has many forms, and this seems kind of in the unreal, wishful realm on your part. For him,it seems like an American affair, and his life is elsewhere. I think he may even be married??? Does he want you as a mistress or something? Would you be content limiting yourself in this way? I think you are asking yourself the right questions. Maybe for the moment it is fabulous, but think ahead: you probably will be hurt and alone.... You need to protect yourself. You need to ask him what is really going on, and if you are the only one. He may be sexy and suave and gorgeous in bed, but think of your future. If other men have hurt you, the quality of your time together may be precious. But perhaps there is someone out there who will provide you with permancy and be a husband, and even to have kids with. Don't sacrifice your future for this man.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2011): Thank you for your answers to my Q...Im so so sorry I did not know that saying `Arab' was rude. I meant absolutely no harm at all. I am really proud of him and appreciate his culture. So my apologies to all....Arab is a beautiful word!
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