A
female
age
30-35,
*nonem
writes:I broke up with my ex boyfriend 2 days ago but we've been talking ever since like we're still dating.I ended things because of who I became dating him(I was sad and not my self). I know it's hard for him and he probably thinks am joking as this would be our 100th breakup. But I am serious about this and I have let him know I am serious.I must admit I am only talking to him because when we started dating, I stopped talking to anyone except him. So if I stop talking to him, I'd have no one to talk to.i actually have no feeling whatsoever, neither do I enjoy talking to him or have butterflies in my stomach. Is it healthy to keeps talking to your ex when your breakup is fresh? Am I wrong for this? I know he still loves me but I don't cos he's ruined everything about me.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2015): hi no the worst thing you can do is still talk to him it will make the breakup much harder for him to deal with if you are still talking the kindest thing to do in this relationship is stop speaking to him it is for the best
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (22 July 2015):
 IF you want to get away from him stop talking to him.
Pick up the phone and call all the friends you abandoned when you started with this guy. Apologize for being a bad friend and ask to see them. go for coffee or something and pick up where you left off. True friends will still be there.
But since you have gone back and forth with him, and this is not your first break up I suggest you go no contact with him to get your head on straight. And do not blame him for everything.
He is 100% responsible for his behavior and his choices as you are 100% responsible for your behavior and your choices.
Own your choices and your behavior. Seek therapy if you need help in working it out.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (22 July 2015):
 he is probably hoping that you will get back together and if you keep talking to him he thinks he has got a chance of getting you back. it sounds like you are using him, just for someone to talk to. now that you are separated, use this time to make new friends, or get back in touch with the ones that you gave up. it is not fair to him to give him hope
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A
male
reader, Too_Trusting  +, writes (22 July 2015):
I don't think it's a good idea to keep talking to him. If it's over, it's over. If he doesn't make you feel amazing, it's time to move on to someone who does.
I have a friend in almost the exact same situation, so I will tell you what I told her. It seems to me that you're not expressing your conviction clearly enough to him. That means not answering his calls, not going to the door when he comes over, not going out to get-togethers with him, etc. You are, for lack of a better term, "stringing him along" by maintaining contact.
I agree with H that it is unlikely that he asked you to cut off all of your friends and make him the only person in your life. You need to take responsibility as well, as you have allowed yourself to be cut off from everyone else.
In short, stop talking to him and re-establish contact with friends and family. Never, ever lose that connection over any relationship. Those are the people you need, through thick and thin. Believe me, I know.
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A
female
reader, Anonny +, writes (22 July 2015):
Yes - this seems a funny set up!!
Firstly - Why did you stop talking to your friends, just cos you had a boyfriend? And Secondly - if you have split from your boyfriend why are you still chatting away to him?
Either you still want him in your life or you don't. If you don't want him - I would cut ties with him for a bit - it's ok to remain friends - but on a casual basis - not being full on & still chatting away like this as it will just give him the wrong idea!
However, it sounds like you do want to spIit so I would concentrate on gaining your friends back again & doing things with them. Forget your ex for a while & let him come to terms with the fact that things are over between you two! x
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 July 2015):
 I think you are a little out of line blaming HIM for "everything" that has gone wrong for you. When you say he "ruined everything about me" - I think that is pretty harsh. How exactly did he ruin you?
Did he TELL you stop talking to your friends? (or were those others you talked to other guys?) Or did you CHOOSE to not talk to friends when you had a BF?
Talking to him if probably not the best thing IF you want to show him you mean "business" - as in NOT get back together. If that means you have no one to text when bored? Then well, so be it.
Don't you have any friends to talk to?
Are you in school? Work?
Maybe what you really need to do is figure out WHAT it is about yourself you do not like and WORK on that. Then... make new friends.
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