A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:dear cupidsmy boyfriend of 11 month have a bad habit of hitting me gently on the face, it doesn't hurt but it does bother me, i have told him so, and always ask him to stop it. he stops it for a while and then do it again!today i acted violent and hit him too, he laughed he actually liked it!he is violent in bed but i have no trouble with that, but not out side the sex life!anyway, in the process of hitting each other today i broke his car radio and he got upset and dropped me home without even saying good bye.should i apologize for the broken radio? should i tell him its his fault? *knowing that that is what i am thinking!*is it healthy for us to have a relation with violence in it?thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your really helping answers.
When i say violent in bed i mean he do it roughly and some times slapping but no shoking no nothing and we're together for a long time.
Leaving him is something i will not do because i don't get hurt from his hits, it simply annoys me as much as i get annoyed from an extra class at the university!
I did appoogize and offered to buy a new radio but he said that i don't have to worry about anything and that we will have to talk the playfull hitting and find a solution soon, so i will use the safe word tool just in case we agreed that we play with hitting at specified times of the week like we usually solve our habite related problems.
Thank you all again for your time i really needed the help
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2013): You mean play fighting? Yeah that's fine as long as neither of you find it annoying. I still play fight with my fiancée and I'm in my 30's, we have a safe word though so it doesn't go too far 'orangutan'. Using the words stop or enough never worked for us because we're both too stubborn to want to lose, plus she's played the "ow, you're hurting me' trick too often for that to work, so as soon as one feels it's escalating or one of us gets hurt we use the safe word.
First off have a safe word, pick a word that you wouldn't normally say to stop someone doing something and then make a rule that when that safe word is said you both stop immediately.
As for breaking stuff that's accidental, but then it's both of your faults for having a play fight next to things that are breakable.
OP as you fine tune your play fighting you'll know when not to, when it's not appropriate, you'll know how to stop it with one word and you'll be less likely to break stuff.
Yes, apologise for the broken radio and offer to pay to have it fixed, you broke it, you fix it.
Next you need to set up rules for your play fights and establish a code word.
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A
female
reader, largentsgirl89  +, writes (6 June 2013):
 I like light violence in the bedroom. Shoved roughly, spanking, to each their own.
He hits you gently in the face in a way that you don't like and you have asked him to stop doing that and he doesn't. He retains the habit.
Have you stressed to him that you don't like the facial slapping, no matter how "funny" or "playful" it is. Does he personally have any pet peeves that you have stopped for him? Remind him of those if you have.
If he can't adapt to the fact that you don't want to be hit in the face, tell him you need time away from him.
As for the radio, did you break it on purpose or was it an accident?
If it was on purpose then I would apologize and explain that you were hurt/angery whatever and offer to replace it and the same if it were an accident, minus the explaination of being hurt/angry.
Good luck to you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2013): So he gets physical with you in a way you don't like. You've asked him to stop several occassions but the habit kicks in again after a while.Meanwhile, you're getting a bit frustrated that he won't stop this behaviour that you really don't like. So you retaliate to turning the tables on him so that he sees how unpleasant it is - but to your dismay, he actually likes it!It sounds like there's nothing you can do to change his behaviour if he doesn't see anything wrong with it and if he enjoys it so much.It also sounds like you aren't happy to continue being hit playfully because it really makes you uncomfortable.Which means you have two choices - stay with him and try to get used to being hit ( Not the choice I'd personally go for)Or leave him and find somebody else who respects your body and feelings and doesn't make you uncomfortable for the fun of it.
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female
reader, Got Issues  +, writes (6 June 2013):
 Be more specific. What counts as "gently hitting" someone? When does he do it? Is it a punishment? Look, this doesn't sound good at all. You've asked him to stop and he hasn't. Let that be a warning to you.Whose idea was it for him to be violent in bed? Let me guess- it was his, right? And you go along with it. I went out with a guy who liked being violent in bed. I thought it was exciting and sexy at first because he was strong and manly and unpredictable, but things got out of hand. A slap here and some choking there at the start eventually turned into him throwing me on the floor, pinning my head down and spitting on my face, biting me until I had bruises all over my arms and cutting me with a razor. He got off on that and thought it was ok. I'm not saying your boyfriend is anything like that, but it makes me really uncomfortable to hear girls and women casually say that their boyfriend is sexually violent because I was also nonchalant about it, because I didn't want to admit to anyone that my boyfriend was a violent misogynist. Oh and this guy also used to get unreasonably upset about me breaking material stuff, even if it was his fault. He'd then "jokingly" punish me for it the next time we had sex.As I say, I may be completely wide of the mark with the comparisons. But violence is never ok in a relationship. Your relationship doesn't sound that healthy in all honesty.
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A
female
reader, shinigami132 +, writes (6 June 2013):
I know that I wouldn't want one. You should get out now. Do not stand for any abuse of any kind. If you let them get way with this then what is stopping him going further?
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