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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Do you think it takes goimg through lots of people to find your sexual match?I mean somebody you are totally compatible in bed with? Unlike any other?You can be attracted to many people but that does not always mean mind blowing sex with them.My question is when you find a man who is your sexual match in the bedroom, would it be really hard to ever find that again?Does that kind of lightening only strike once?I'd like some different opinions.Thanks. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Been there Now over it  +, writes (31 January 2016):
It is easiest to find a good sexual partner if your sexual tastes are for every-day vanilla. Nobody is sure what percentage of the population is of the vanilla variety but I do think it is a lot smaller than most of us would assume. A lot of people want to be more adventurous in the bedroom such as bdsm, toys, pornography, fetish clothing, frequency of sex, amount of energy expended, spanking, preferred activities and so on. It will be harder for these folks to find their sexual match. There are on a lot of questions on DQ just regarding blow jobs; that alone can be a difficult matter in regard to compatibility.
A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (30 January 2016):
 "Do you think it takes goimg through lots of people to find your sexual match?"
Overwhelming number of studies indicate that the opposite holds true whether it's sexual satisfaction or strength of marriage. In other words, if anyone seeks to be sexually satisfied and not be divorced, then such person should reduce the number of partners in their lifetime down to 1.
You can look at studies on sexual satisfaction done by Maria de la Sanchez Fuentes. Her basic conclusion is that less partners=great sex.
Likewise, studies on divorce and happiness in marriage indicate that less sex partners=better marriage. So the divorce rate among people with only 1 sexual partner in their life is only 4% whereas divorce rate jumps to 50% for people with 7+ lifetime sexual partners.
Fuentes also shows that great sex is a result of a great relationship, so the takeaway of all this is to minimize number of partners, to invest a lot of time in building a relationship and only after to start developing great sexual experience.
Could "black swans" happen as in I stumbled upon a great sex partner? Sure, but that is an anomaly and not a norm for people.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2016): It's a funny thing, you can be great in bed together, but they dump you any way, you think everything is going great then, they ghost you, or you can get along great but your partner is terrible in bed, to fine the right combination, is so hard to fine these days, if you fine some body that is great in bed, keep them just fwb, but then some body will start getting feelings, an get a broken heart, you can't tell your heart how to feel, an the worst part is, you can never really know how there heart, feels, or doesn't, so you are taking a chance, of getting your heart broken
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