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female
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anonymous
writes: I moved out to new york to live in new york where he is from and where his business is out of. But now he is going back to colorado every january for a month to rent his houses (his other business). Im basically out of luck because i don't have my career started up. Im trying to become a salesperson in real estate. Last year in colorado I was a teacher but didn't make enough money and I want to travel on his vacations with him. He says I'm always invited on his trips, business or fun, but that I have to figure out a way. I can't picture myself happy for the rest of my life knowing that one month out of the year for the rest of our lives he will be going back to my hometown where all my family and friends are without me! Is this fair? Would other people put up with this? Last year in january he was in florida for two months so I did the renting for him. I just don't see how this neglect or non- compromising behavior would make anyone happy?!
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male
reader, Tommy7  +, writes (29 September 2007):
If what's happening is making you unhappy stop doing it. Go home and start you career near your family. Find a local guy for your mate. Otherwise, you'll just grow more resentful and waste your time.
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (29 September 2007):
 It isn't for everyone. I have quite a few friends who travel, many times to separate locations to handle business transactions. He did offer for you to join him. Let me ask this. What is his business? What is required of him to maintain, or manage his business. You're looking at 1 month apart, not 11 months together. Was he doing these businesses and this travel before you moved there? Did you know this was the business form of lifestyle he commits himself to before you moved?
The problem is your career is not taking off yet. I think your a bit jealous that his is. You said "Im basically out of luck because i don't have my career started up. Im trying to become a salesperson in real estate."
Your relationship should have three different areas of focus. (1) You have your life. Things you do where you boyfriend doesn't take part in. They are all yours, but you can invite. (2) He has his life, Things he does, and his interests that you wouldn't take part in. (3) Your life together.
From what you said, is it fair for him to change his activities and his business structure because you're activity of selling houses hasn't taken off? Of course not. You do understand many times real estate agents take time off during the year. I know some male agents who take off the hunting season. One of my friends sets his time off during his children's summer vacation. You may be able to arrange where you can go as well and spend time with family and friends you have there.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2007): Well having to go on business trips for a month doesn't seem like the end of the world to me. But I think I can see how being without him and the way he is leaving is hurting you.
Like my ex bf had a job where he was going to have to start travelling alot. And as soon as he found out he told me that wherever he went I would go with him because he did not want to be without me either. And the first trip was to Netherlands and he took me with him and he made the company pay for both of our tickets. He said "if I go, she goes."
My point is that if my bf had just been nonchalant about the whole thing then I would have felt like you do. It's like your bf does not see a problem with being without you for so long. The trips are not the problem it is the way he is acting about it that is bothering you.
Obviously that is how he is. You can't change people. I personally think that your bf should want you to come travel with him and should pay for it. But by telling you about my experience you can see that there are men out there who would be alot more understanding about dealing with distance from a girlfriend. So it is up to you whether you can tolerate this or not.
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