A
female
age
36-40,
*aimelynn913
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together 8 months, I'm 25 he's 27. Things have moved pretty quickly, but we are very happy and talk about the future openingly, and we are definitely in love. We currently live separately, but have talking about getting a place together once our leases are up. There is just one problem though...I have an indoor, long haired cat, that I have had for about 4 years before I met him. I love my cat to pieces. And its not that he hates cats...when he comes over he plays with mine, and pets it and what not. He just really refuses to ever live with one himself. He doesn't want the cat fur everywhere, the litter box smell. Like I said, we are very happy, and want to pursue a future together, but I just cant bare the thought of getting rid of my kitty. But he seem pretty adminant on not living with one...Is it fair of him to ask me to find another home for it?? And say I do cave and get rid of her...won't I always harbor resentment for him? Esp. if for some reason we dont work out? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2012): He can ask, but then you're free to answer!
I think if we were talking about a life threatening allergy, he would have some grounds to ask for the cat to go. Wanting you to get rid of your pet simply because he doesn't want to live with one, seems pretty controlling.
You've only been together for 8 months and, it's very early days. Just tell him that you and the cat are a package. He can live with that or move on.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2012): Get rid of the boyfriend pronto,what happens if say you do get rid of your cat, and the boyfriend relationship doesn't work out,and your beloved pet is gone from your life.He is a very selfish man if i was you i'd show him the highway out of town.
goodness only knows what else he will ask you to get rid of,what if he says get rid of your family or friends.
He sounds like a nasty piece of S**T
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (30 August 2012):
 I have to wonder about a guy who would want you to give up something you love so much for a nebulous argument. Does your home stink of cat pee and are your possessions covered in cat hair?He's been a boyfriend for 8 months. Your animal companion has been with you for far longer. I'd be VERY wary of a guy who expects you to give up something you love, even more leery of a guy who wants you to get rid of a loved pet. That's really incompatible with happiness, in my opinion.Lose the man, keep the cat and find another man who loves you and ALL your baggage.
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (30 August 2012):
 When I first responded I thought I was going to be lambasted by others for suggesting you make your cat a priority. I am so glad there are so many out there of like mind.
Not only is your cat a member of your family and reliant upon you for food, shelter and care, but his request (and your acquiescence in particular) would have broader ramifications. You haven't even moved in yet and your boyfriend already wants you to make huge sacrifices for him. Giving up your cat would only be the beginning.
Either your boyfriend fits into your life the way it is or he doesn't. Your cat is only a part of the package.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2012): "Is it fair of him to ask me to find another home for my cat??"Far more reasonable for your cat to ask you to find another boyfriend, but being the steadfastly loyal companions cats are (just as my late much-missed never-to-be-forgotten 19-year-old kitty was) he'd never make such a thoughtless mean-spirited demand on someone whom he loves unconditionally while never leaving your side. You should be heeding the huge red flag that this signals: boyfriend is a selfish bastard whose wants and needs come first, even at the expense of a beloved pet and a defenseless creature.Dump him. NOW!!!! (And yes, I mean the boyfriend, don't want to confuse or alarm DC readers).
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2012): All right, let me be straight here. I LOVE my cat. He is the best thing that happened to me and he is my comfort and joy.
I told my boyfriend, when he asked me to move in with him, that my cat and I are a package deal. If he couldn't accept us both then I was ready to move on.
Keep in mind when I did move in I was very conscious of how he treated the cat. If there was ANY mistreat of any kind of my cat I would be gone in a flash. I am totally against animal abuse.
My boyfriend did mention declawing him and I said no way that I was against that since it is abuse to take the defensives of an animal away.
Personally I don't care if carpet or furniture gets scratched up. I love animals that much. The material things are not important to me.
My boyfriend has been great with the cat, putting in protection screens on all the windows and the screen doors, petting and talking to him nicely and even installing a cat door in the house to get from one room to another.
The cat has been great too. We cover the furniture and there has been no problems with him scratching on them.
When I pass away I plan to have my cat's ashes which will be in a pretty vase, buried with me.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2012): Don't get rid of the kitty, animals love unconditionally - humans don't.
Unless he is severely allergic to the kitty I think he is being incredibly selfish.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 August 2012):
 I think he can ASK and you can refuse.
And I can only imagine the resentments I would have if anyone ever asked that of me. I'm not going to re-home a pet, nor any of my other kids.
My first BF was allergic, I had a cat, he took medication and the cat got washed and groomed daily to avoid the dandruff. They both did fine.
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female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (29 August 2012):
hello, Im 23 and have been going out with my boyfriend for 8 months also, and like you I own a long haired indoor cat. if for the same reason my boyfriend asked me to get rid of the cat, or any other reason I would say no. personally I would have a lot of resentment for ANYONE who even told me to give my cat away. also, I know you are both getting on great but after 8 months nobody can be sure how long a relationship will last.this isnt meant as an insult but I am just saying you should think in the long term. you would feel guilt and sadness over giving the cat away, aswell as worry that he is not being looked after the way you would like. it is getting harder and harder for even rescues and shelters to rehome animals in this economic climate, let alone individuals. I would say keep the cat, you should also ask yourself why your boyfriend is so unwilling to live with the cat. I sure would be curious if I were you. good luck x
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female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (29 August 2012):
 Being such a big animal lover I would say keep your cat for sure. I love my dog and would never give her up because my boyfriend didn't "feel like" living with her. Your cat did nothing wrong and if he is willing to never live with you because a cat is inconvenient for him to put up with then he isn't a great match and isn't willing to do much of anything for a relationship to work. I mean the litter box can be kept out of sight... Not all houses with cats smell bad. And he doesn't have to clean up after her. I just find it selfish to ask someone to give up someone that has been part of their lives for years. If he was deathly allergic I would say to think it over and maybe find a new place, never ever a shelter, but this is just selfish. It's heartless when people can throw their pets away just because their new partner decides he doesn't want them. And I would definitely harbor resentment.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (29 August 2012):
 sure it's fair of him to ask
and it's fair of you to say NO
I got rid of my dogs because my fiance was a. scared of them and b. allergic to them... and c. didn't want the mess of them in the house.
I miss having pets but I made my choice. I do not resent him at all but that's me. I place people above pets.
BUT I had wonderful homes for my dogs... and I can see them and visit them. I do not think I would have done a shelter.
you have several options:
1. do not live together till the cat is deceased
2. put the cat with a friend/family member that you can visit
3. tell him... not an option honey it's me and the cat or it's neither of us...
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female
reader, Ciar +, writes (29 August 2012):
Keep the cat. He/she is part of your family and relies on you. Your boyfriend can take care of himself.
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