A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I happen to really really like one of my friends, or at least I think I did, or I still do, I don't really know. All I know is I had a really deep kind of affection for her, I would always enjoy her company and just generally thought she was a really cool person. It got to the point where she was all I could really think about although I knew a relationship could and would never happen. It started to really get me down and I would become really jealous when I saw her with another boy even if they were just friends. I couldn't cope and told her that I had feelings for her and needed some space. She said that was fine but that nothing could ever happen. I let a few months pass and got back in touch, thinking that these feelings had been resolved and that I could be her friend once more, like I had always intended. For a while it was fine and I was glad to be her friend because I consider her one of my best friends. I have met up with her a couple of times, just the two of us and we got on fine. However last night something changed. It was in a group situation and for some reason it felt incredibly awkward and I could hardly talk to her. I think she felt awkward too, as she avoided my gaze. It was really odd because I must text her or hear from her at least once a day and if we are such good friends then why on earth could I barely talk to her?Now I don't know what to think. I am aware that she is a very very pretty girl and that she is a nice, smart, funny person but so what? I'm constantly having to tell myself that "I don't fancy her, nothing could ever happen, forget about it" but at the same time I am finding myself thinking about little else again. It's mortifying and I don't even know why I feel like this. I haven't heard from her since and haven't made any contact myself. Now I'm not sure if I will even send her the Christmas present I got for her as we are obviously not as close as I thought.I just don't know what to do. I want to stop thinking about her so much and just see her as a friend but I don't think I can hide my feelings from myself much longer. I don't really know where I stand in this friendship any more. Is it even really a friendship if I can't even talk to her in person? I don't have that many good friends and losing her would be a huge loss. Any help is more than welcome, I'm totally lost.
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best friend, christmas, jealous, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (19 December 2008):
 I think she has done the right thing by giving you the distance you need to get over her a bit. She's been clear that she values your friendship but isn't interested in anything else. It seems like for you, it's a little toxic to be around her because it just gets your feelings worked up even more. Seeing her with guy friends makes you jealous. I think that it will be ultimately the best for your friendship if you chill out for a little while. It will either:
A) Help you to calm those feelings down so that you can have a totally platonic friendship. Then she won't have to stress about upsetting you or hurting your feelings, and you can get back to enjoying her company without your brain exploding from frustration!!
or
B) The distance could (only COULD) make her see how she really feels about you. Maybe she'll really miss being around you all the time and see that she does have some feelings for you.
It's unlikely, but it's happened before.
I think you can still send her a Christmas gift or card - after all, you're not KILLING the friendship, you're not being cold. You're just chilling out a little bit.
Good luck!
A
female
reader, Lib1 +, writes (19 December 2008):
 Well buddy let me tell you something. I was that girl. My best friend was a guy and the same thing went down between us. I kept saying no way to him and as time went on it got more awkward. I don't know how your lady friend is going to react to this awkwardness but I missed my friendship so much I allowed us to go out. BIG MISTAKE
Anyway, all I have to say is. Just accept the separation and the distance between you two. Give your gift to someone else because she is giving you clear signals. Trust me you want to go out like this! If the friendship is going to end its best this way than some terrible break up because you aren't compatible.
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