A
female
age
30-35,
*inful_thinker89
writes:Is it ethical to cut down contact from my mom?I know that sounds like such a harsh question and probably think I'm a horrible daughter, but I can't take the stress from her!!! Whenever I see her number on called id my heart drops in my chest, and I do answer because its my mom! I can't go on ignoring her forever. Every time she calls its about the latest family drama or what I'm not doing right on my end. I told her I wanted to go back to school next month and her response is "how does L feel about you having a life?" Its little remarks like that, that just make me feel like whats the point?!Last year on my birthday she called to say "Happy Birthday" and then to complain about my sister and her husband, of course that somehow got turned around into me being so-called controlled by my fiancee and that I'm wasting my life away, and ya know it hurt a lot the fact I was 6 months pregnant and working full time moving up in work. Then when I ended up having to go in for pre eclampsia, i had my fiancee call her to let her know and she didn't answer, she called back later to say "she knew something bad happened and she was eating a burrito and she wanted to finish it first" then a few days later called about my little sister and her boyfriend getting into fights.Short story behind why she doesn't like my fiancee (but then again she likes none of our in-laws) 2 years ago my mom, my older sister, niece n nephew were suppose to come visit Louisiana for a week and then head to Georgia to visit my brother and his wife, well they decided that they would skip over Louisiana and head east, they broke down in Arkansas so instead of a week! they stayed for a month! which was a huge inconvenience but at the time i didn't realize i had put my fiancee out of our small 1 bedroom apt for my family. so he was upset. my mom decided that he was racist (which he is NOT!) and doesn't like him. but for some reason in her mind if a man doesn't beat you he doesn't love you. So around Christmas last year, she asked to borrow 200 dollars to get my brother a greyhound ticket, i told her that we only had money for rent and presents. she got upset hung up on me, texted me saying "I know L never liked me, but I love you and A" I was highly upset and said its not that he doesn't like you, he doesn't like your ways. You are totally disrespectful to us! I said before any one outside of my house is taken care of, I will make sure L and A are taken care of. well she didn't like that too much so she didn't call for a while. She never calls! to see how her granddaughter is, we even recently went to visit. she spent maybe but 2 hours with us and the rest of the time running to my sisters rescue. then the whole time complaining about my niece! ughhhh sorry for the long story!!! but someone please help
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male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (22 April 2012):
 The great thing about reaching adulthood is that you now have the right to decide what relationships you will maintain. If you decide that your mother is a source of negative energy in your life, it's entirely your right to limit (or terminate) your contact with her. Just because Norman Rockwell created gauzy images of family life doesn't mean everyone gets to experience that ideal. It doesn't sound like you're living that dream.
So take charge of your life. Accept only as much contact with your mother as you can comfortably tolerate. Maybe if you've stopped taking her calls for a few weeks she'll actually listen to why you're doing it.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 April 2012):
 How about you call her yourself once/twice a week and set yourself a time limit and then tell her I got to go when the time is up.
If she adds stress to your life, I think you need to tell her.
I doubt she wants to hear it though.
I would give anything to talk to my mom. I lost her 1 1/2 years ago and I still miss her.
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A
male
reader, the_phoenic  +, writes (22 April 2012):
Darling,
One day when you become a parent you well know that you well give all of your life to your sons and daughters,
And if they cutt off contact with you it would be so heart breaking,
But in order to have a good relation with your mom you have
To understand the good sides and the dark side of her personality
In order to avoid any inconveinience diplomaticly
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2012): I can see how being around is just too much mentally, she's still your mother though. I also have a parent who can be controlling like that. Its important to remember to take care of yourself and have a buffer zone both emotionally and physically. Its also important to have a "line drawn in the sand" and to let her know when she has crossed that. The drama can be too much at times, and is not healthy for you to let it bother you, try to remember to take her issues with a grain of salt. Imagine how you would feel if your finances parent stayed in your apartment for a month?
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