A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So im at university, in my second year and while im not massively into partying and drinking, on the occasion when i do go out i like to have a good time. I have 'got' with 4 gyus since being at uni meaning i have kissed them at the club or round theirs. I enjoy doing this and especially because the fact that i meet them on a night out means the likelihood of meeting them again are very slim. I dont put myself in situations of danger and i always make sure i feel comfortable with whats happening. I dont want a relationship right now, the thought of opening up to someone emotionally really petrifies me. I think i prefer to be alone for now. And plus i dont want to embarrass myself, i think i would become really clingy and i dont want to take the risk of becoming someone i would loathe to be. I have also never had sex. Although i do this with guys, i do not intend to have a one night stand. My principles and morals just balk at the idea. (it may seem like i lead these guys on but im clear with them fairly early on and all have been ok with it) However... sometimes when im in the moment, had some alcohol and enjoying myself with a guy, i find myself sometimes getting carried away. How can i stop myself going too far one day?? because i no i will regret it and i would hate myself for it. I would feel so cheap. Also i hate to think what other people would think of me. Im a fairly quiet person, not that outspoken. And when people find out that i 'got' with someone they are really surprised.One guy was slightly different. He is a friend of a friend and so it is like that i will see him again. I got chatting to him throughout the night and he kindly walked me home at the end. We kissed and it got quite heated. We were at the side of the road near my house and it was about 4am so not many people about. There was some fumbling and groping, and im quite ashamed/embarrassed that i did this, but gave him the beginnings of a hand job. What was i thinking?? On the side of the road, in a public place. What on earth must he think of me?? I suppose im really wondering if this is really not on? We were pretty caught up in the moment. I said to him that he wouldn't be coming home with me, he was fine with it and eventually we left it at that. Is this really whore behaviour? Im ashamed. I hate to think what he thinks of me now. I wish i could take back the hand job part. He text me when i got in, they were jokey and flirty. And then the next day he text me, i replied a few hours later and then his replies were really non-committal and uninterested. What did i do wrong? Im not too bothered because i dont like him enough to continue anything with him, but im just a little confused... What do you think the reason is? Is he totally repulsed by me? I dont mind getting the brush off, i would just like to no why.I suppose im also wondering how not to make things awkward when we meet again. I want things to be fun like they were at the beginning of the night. I really wish he was someone i didnt no and wasnt going to see again. Is it bad that i do this?? I no many uni students do this regularly, even go for nights out with 'getting with someone' as their main goal. But is this destructive behaviour? I really enjoy doing it, the feeling that someone really wants you, and just for that night you can totally be whoever.But is this likely to affect my views on future relationships?? Will it affect my chances of a normal relationship?Can someone just please put my mind at rest by putting me in my place, or telling me its alright.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2011): I think as long as you are being very careful about everything, like where you are going, who you are going with and even sex, potentially, there is no reason why you can't have a few wild nights out. Please just don't put yourself in a dangerous situation, don't go with some random guy that you don't know if you can trust, go out with your friends and keep safe, tell people where you are going, and don't ever get so drunk that you don't know what you are doing.As for stopping yourself from any out of control behaviour, you need to either drink less or nothing at all, this is after the factor that is causing you to do things that you feel a little regretful for. As for the guy, like you he was probably just caught up in the moment, drunks do that sort of thing. it probably wont be too awkward, but don't expect a relationship out of it either. I guess overall, you can have fun, just keep it at a level that you feel comfortable with, aren't going to regret, and make sure it is a positive experience to look back on, not a negative one.
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