A
male
age
41-50,
*b129
writes:OMG I am married and I got hit on at a bar today. It felt awful plus I had to chug a really expensive, very very good beer! This has never happened to me before but I don't go to bars very much. Is this common, to hit on guys that are wearing their wedding band, and are buried in reading while at the bar, barely looking up when someone tries to hit on them? I I got to leave work early today and I decided to hit the local brewpub for a beer or two before going home to the wife and kids. I sat down at the bar which wasn't very busy (it was 3PM). I tried this expensive belgian beer that was not very big and cost a lot but was really good. There was one open seat on either side of me. So I'm about 2 sips into the beer, reading the newspaper on my phone and this chick comes up and starts pushing her way in. There were tons of seats down at the other end and this girl was not very small so really, she's pushing and up against my seat. She starts talking to me it was total pick-up small talk. "Man, it's great that you get such good service when the place is empty" "So, do you come here often"? I mean would you keep talking to a guy if he was obviously (a) married and (b) ignoring you? I ended up just making smalltalk when she was asking if I knew a good place where she could apply for a job as a cleaning lady but wow that really sucked.
View related questions:
married man, wedding Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 May 2012):
 Some women hone in on married guys. They think it's less "complicated", but who knows maybe she DIDN'T notice your ring and just found you interesting/attractive/safe.
I have gotten hit on in the grocery store a few weeks ago with 3 kids in tow... crazy!
Don't beat yourself up. You did not become unattractive or less of a "target" just because you got married. It certainly isn't a "holy grail" of "Keep them off".
I don't think that you should STOP going out for a beer in the afternoon, but next time, just tell the chick that you aren't up for chatter. Unless she has no tact, class or social skills she will pick up THAT hint and leave you be.
It's not a big deal.
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (26 May 2012):
 Sure it's normal (though I don't think I've ever heard a guy your age use the phrase "OMG"). Some people assume married people must be in bars to cheat. Some people cannot take a hint that when someone is reading they do not want to be bothered.
Next time it happens, just say, "I'm sorry but I really need to catch up on my reading." And then make sure to hold your phone with the hand with the wedding band on it.
Though honestly, it's possible she was just not wanting to drink alone/not hitting on you. It's also possible she may have thought married guys would be likely to hire cleaning ladies and wanted you to hire her.
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (26 May 2012):
 Sure it happens, is everyone backed off people who were married there would be no cheating wives or husbands...
If you get hit on you say "I'm sorry, I don't mean to be rude, but I actually want to sit by myself and read the news on my phone". If you want to sit alone that is. Otherwise, why not engage in conversation if the company is good. Or just excuse yourself and go sit elsewhere... No need to panic, throw down the beer in a hurry and run out the door.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (26 May 2012):
 Oh I got hit on all the time when married ,sporting a ring, and carrying a load of hubby and kid pics in my wallet,lol. ( And in case you wonder why was I such a bar fly :)- I wasn't. I had evening classes some times, and at the end I'd go with my classmates to grab a quick bite or drink ).
I guess the common assumption is that if the married person is showing up in a bar , and the spouse is nowhere in sight- then the married person must be up to no good and game for anything.
In your case , though, I must say that may be you are a bit too suspicious . Smalltalk is not hitting on, there's a lot of people that buttonholes strangers in bars, coffe shops , trains, etc.- haven't you noticed ? Maybe they feel weird or conspicuous just sitting or standing there alone, maybe they are just extroverts, anyway they do- they buttonhole strangers. And this woman was also looking for a job, so maybe this was her way of networking, the way you tell it, I would not jump to conclusions.
Anyway , though, yes, your wedding ring won't shield you per se from advances ; only your virtue will :)
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2012): calm down, what did you expect if you were hanging out at bars on a friday night? I think you need to take a little personal responsibility in your decision to be hanging out in bars without your wife. realize this probably wouldn't have happened if you were, say, just walking down the street or at the supermarket.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2012): lots of men like to hit on married women too, what you experienced is not uncommon. I mean look, with the divorce rate at 50%, you think the other remaining 50% that are currently still married are all happy or are at least some of them headed toward the other side to become part of tomorrow's 50% divorced?
that means that it's not uncommon for married people - wearing their wedding bands - to respond to being hit on or to even initiate it. that's just life.
therefore some single women and men see nothing wrong in hitting on a married person because hey, what's the worst that can happen? the married person just isn't interested, right? So what? there's no harm in that single person trying anyway and if the married person isn't interested they can just not respond.
it can also be said that by being in a bar by yourself, on a friday (or saturday), you're sending out signals that you're looking to pick up someone or get picked up. What do people do at bars on the weekends?? I mean, most married men with kids do not go to bars by themselves on a friday. So you were behaving dubiously to begin with, so your righteous indignation is a bit overblown if you ask me.
You don't want to get hit on? then don't go to bars by yourself on a friday. That woman probably thought you were looking for someone to hook up with regardless of your wedding band since many married men do cheat on their wives how is she to know you're different if you're at a bar on a weekend without your wife. If you want to read the newspaper by yourself then go to a coffeeshop or library.
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (26 May 2012):
 Yeah, I've gotten hit on with my wedding ring on too. People tend to ignore or "not see" the ring and simply hit on others. Other people solicit interest from a married person for the ego boost that interest from a "taken" person brings them.
I do the same thing every time -- I mention my husband right off the bat. One guy actually put his arm around me at the table (we were at a casino playing blackjack) while my husband was getting me a drink. I just lifted my hand, pointed at the ring on my finger, and said "Sorry, we should stick to playing cards". My husband saw the whole thing. Luckily, he's not the type to go punch the guy out. He waited a few minutes, drinks in hand, (I didn't know he saw until after this all went down!) then came up to me with mine, put his arm around me and kissed me full-on in the mouth, not even looking at the other guy. He moved tables not long after -- message received. :)
...............................
|
