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female
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anonymous
writes: my b/f does not think strip clubs or lap dances are cheating..i have been with him for about 2 years and i dont think he has been to one since i have been with him..maybe he went one night but i dont know for sure..he says maybe its wrong to do those things but its not cheating at these things b/c there is no fluid exchange(kissing, sex etc)He said i worry too much over stupid things. I wrote to him saying it might as well be cheating b/c it would make me feel like i am not enough for you by doing this stuff and he said thats all good but he thinks its unnecessary to be picked on for something that hasnt even happened. Let this whole situation go?
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female
reader, Cateyes  +, writes (24 March 2007):
 If he's not going to one, drop it! Be glad he's not and let him know that your happy that he has not ever fallen in to that catagory of those who do. From my past experience, my ex-husband would go and I never new it. (he was an alcoholic) Thought he was out working, but? The thing is, it's like to to easy to not want to talk to one of the girls there, even if it is purely innocent. It leads from one thing to another, but that is MY opinion. It's not that I don't believe you trust him, stuff happens! And it's better to be away from that stuff then to fall into it to easy. Please don't get upset with him about this, especially since he doensn't go, be thankful and tell him...it will probably make him NOT want to go to one because of that! Good Luck...
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female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (24 March 2007):
 After reading Eddie's reply, well - I guess there are sketchier places around. I suggest you go with him to a strip club. Dancers can give double lap dances. Where I live, it's so very, very, VERY illegal to touch someone while giving a lapdance, and STROKING them with your hand? That, my friend, is prositution and is NOT allowed where I'm from. Not to mention, gross!
Apparently in Canada things are different (all though my heart belongs to the Canadians. I want to move there, but it's too cold.)... I've lived in NY, AZ, and OR which are all places where that kind of stuff is illegal. And yes, Eddie is right - THAT is cheating.
Go with your boyfriend and find a less sketchy place.
xxIndia
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2007): Strip clubs... no way would I go to them!
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (24 March 2007):
 If he hasn't gone and isn't planning to go, what's the problem? IT is actually cheating though, at least where I live. I live near Niagara Falls, Canada. This area has some of the fanciest strip clubs around. And let me tell you, as someone who hasn't been in years, but has been, it's too close for a person in a relationship.
They employ some of the most beautiful women around. They come from all over the world to work here. Here's how a lap dance works. The women takes EVERYTHING off. She puts it right in your face, from all angles. She sits on your lap and grinds as if you were having sex. She will stroke him with her hand too. The more dances the guy pays for, the more she does. The woman is in charge afterall. This chump is paying her his hard earned money to pretend she is really interested in this. Trust me, it goes far.
The fact that no fluids are exchanged means what? That is stupidity. Is oral sex OK if the guy doesn't cum?
Listen, the women walk around nude for a reason. There is no secret there. But, as I said, if he's not going, why do you care?
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female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (24 March 2007):
Hey sweetness,
I work with dancers and have done some dancing in the past. I can't say that strip clubs or lap dances are "cheating" per se, however if you're uncomfortable you've got every reason to be and your boyfriend should respect that. Strip clubs and lap dances are crossing a thin line that some girlfriends are okay with and some aren't.
The beauty of strip clubs is that it's illegal to touch - even in lap dances (I guess that depends where you live), and realize that most likely NONE of these girls are remotely interested in your man. To them, the club is work - like your job is to you.
I do think this is a particularly fuzzy area in relationships. If you're not cool with it, I think he shoiuld respect that. After all, strip clubs are filled with naked women and that is a little weird for you, huh?
I guess is boils down to you. However, understand that even if he does go to a strip club, he's coming home to you. Strip clubs are like live solo softcore porn. None of those girls are most likely going to make a move on your man, guys go to strip clubs to look, not touch. But it's understandable if even after this, you still don't feel good about him going.
Maybe you guys could go to one together? Lots of couples do that! That could be a good compromise.
Good luck, sweetness.
xxIndia
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2007): As long as he's not being sexually involved with any of the women there then he is not cheating. Cheating is when you get too close to someone and something happens between the two of you (holding hands, kissing, sex etc) and as long as he is keeping his hands to himself then he is not cheating on you. If this is a problem for you then why don't you go with him? That way you'll see whether he is getting a bit too close to the women there or not.
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A
male
reader, Dr.Palmer  +, writes (24 March 2007):
 Hello,
Well, there are some reasons that men go to strip clubs etc.
Most men want to go because of the atmosphere. It is a mix of a dance club and sports bar with girls walking around in costumes.
It is a different mix of atmospheres that you cannot find anywhere but a strip club. It is relaxed enough that you can sit back, talk with your friends, and still have music and entertainment.
Business meeting's even take place at strip clubs etc!
Hope this has answered your question or query.
Thanks,
Dr.Palmer.
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