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age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: What should I do? My husband of almost ten years and I talk about everything. He knows exactly what I like and he satisfies me but I have been having a fantasy about being in a threesome. My husband likes the idea but doesn't think the other guy would like it too. So he told me if I want he will let be with the other guy one time. To do whatever I feel comfortable doing. I know the other guy wants me too but we don't want to be together. Just we have a huge physical attraction and chemistry. Should I consider it? Would it be cheating if my husband set it up?
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male
reader, wmincc  +, writes (3 September 2015):
 Seems allot of advice here comes from people that are controlling. If your husband wants to watch you. Then why not have a little fun. You only live once. I have watched my wife with over 40 men and it has done nothing but bring us closer together.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for the replies. We agreed we don't want to do it and we are going to stop talking about it too.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2012): Don't do it, tell your husband he should never share u. I've done it and yes it is fun and your sex life is going to increase. But in the end your husband is going to have to deal with a lot of emotions, hate love lust jealousy anger bitterness. And u will eventually want the other guy more. Your sex life will never b the same. My wife chose the other guy and started sleeping with him behind my back. Now I have no sex life with my wife cuz she lost respect for me cuz I allowed it. She does everything in bed for him but can't even kiss or touch me.
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male
reader, Serpico +, writes (10 November 2012):
If you go ahead with this, your relationship will be permanently changed, and not for the better.And remember, once you do it, you can never undo it. Ever.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (8 November 2012):
 kissing is cheating as is oral.
IF your husband approves of it and the other guys know your hubby is ok with it... then it's not cheating.
cheating is anything you can't won't or don't tell your partner in my book...
in this case it's not cheating but it's not a good idea...
trust me TRUST me on this... if you do it it will be the beginning of the end of your marriage.
keep it a fantasy.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (8 November 2012):
 Oral is sex too, by the way.
I just can't believe you are so willing to ruin your marriage for a few minutes of sex with another dude.
Now if you think your husband really want this and "love" the idea why are you not asking HIM all these questions? We can't really give you the "permission" to do as you please, we can only advice what WE think of the situation.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2012): Fantasies often don't survive reality, in the fantasy of a threesome, jealousy doesn't exist. But in real life, people are possessive. Imagine say your husband wanting to do X with you and you say "ah sorry, I have a date with Y"... is he prepared for sharing you even on moments he wants you? That you might prefer doing X with Y instead of with him?What if the other guy is better at it?There are a lot of reasons for the threesome fantasy but him wanting to give you away to another male... well one motivation could be that he is sure you are going to cheat, so he might as well enable it and at least know who you are doing it with and when.There are plenty of other reasons of course but you can just imagine the fallout if the above is even slightly true.There are some people who can make a threesome work but not couples. A couple is two people, not three. Three people can make a threesome work but just think, being a couple is already hard enough. Three people?Couples get jealous, of friends, of children, of co-workers, of pets. Fucking a third person... you got to be made of stern stuff to handle that.And it ain't just his reaction. A lot of people, especially women still hold that love and sex are related. If you can easily slip from one man to the next, what does that say about love? Maybe you are different, it is an outmoded view but still.Effectively he is suggesting you have a male mistress. Can you keep your two relationships seperate and what does it say about him that he wants to arrange this?It is known that some wives know their husbands mistress in the upper classes and are okay with it but I wouldn't say these were happy marriages.Proceed with extreme caution.
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female
reader, Katiey  +, writes (8 November 2012):
Op no to answer your question it is not cheating, but does that make it acceptable? Are you really willing to tarnish your relationship with something so big? I can tell you this right now things will never be the same.You ask if oral or kissing would make a difference? I would say yes it would it''s still sexual contact. Op are you willing to break your vows for a few minutes of sex where the only thrill comes from it being wrong?Like others have said it then gives your husband a free pass to do what he likes, in the long run will that be ok with you? You are not thinking about the long term damage of letting a third person into your relationship.This fantasy is not what it is cracked up to be and like others have said we have read about it time and time again, where people later see what a massive mistake they have made.
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female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (8 November 2012):
 He's consenting to you being intimate with another person.
Cheating is non-consensual.
It's very easy to tell what's cheating and what's not. If your partner APPROVES of it openly, then it's not cheating.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDo you think it would make a difference if it were just dinner or just kissing or just oral? Or is it all like cheating even if he set it up and encouraged it?
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female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (8 November 2012):
 Not 'cheating', because I think that word connotes doing something without informing the spouse. BUT, I will chime in with @person12345 that this could have disastrous consquences for your relationship going forward.
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male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (8 November 2012):
 No, it wouldn't be considered cheating, if your husband set it up.
However, I am going to echo the sentiments of all the other answers here. It is just a bad idea. It changes the entire dynamics of your relationship.
Now, he is "owed" one and it makes it much more justifiable for him to cheat -- or at least rationalize it. In addition, it makes it easier for you to cheat or at least continue seeing your new partner. After all if you were allowed to do it once, there's no harm in doing it a second time. Right?
I've only seen a few of things actually work, but I've seen a LOT of posts on dearcupid where the first nail in the coffin in the relationship is when a committed relationship is tarnished in this way. I think you need to ask yourself if it is worth the risk for a 10 second orgasm? Is it worth the risk of pregnancy? A social disease? Humiliation?
Ultimately, you have a decision to make and you should consider all the risks and what you might risking and ask yourself is it really worth it?
Eddie
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female
reader, ImmortalPrincess +, writes (7 November 2012):
 This has "bad idea" written all over it. Dear Cupid's archives are full of questions from people who have gone down this road, only to have severe regrets afterward. In truth, the reality NEVER lives up to the fantasy.
If you value your marriage and your relationship with your husband, don't do it. The repercussions are not worth the few minutes of pleasure you might get from it.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 November 2012):
I will echo person12345 - Fantasy and reality are two VERY VERY different things and when you start "opening" your marriage and bed up to more then you and your spouse - drama, hurt feeling WILL ensue.
So he SAID he was OK with it. Doesn't mean he really is. Could mean that he wants you to say all I want is you. Could be he "thinks" he is OK with it - TIL it actually happens, then he will hold it over you for the rest of your marriage - or he will use it as a negotiation chip for him to sleep with other women or what not.
No, just no.
Would it be cheating? Yes, technically it would morally too, but most people think that if you have permission it's OK.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2012): Would you also be willing to let your husband have another woman (just once), if he would want? I think it is a horrible idea, I don't know how that wouldn't damage your marriage.
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (7 November 2012):
 Not cheating, but probably a terrible idea. I've almost never heard of a monogamous couple allowing others into the bedroom without disastrous results, sometimes even the death of an otherwise great relationship.
Fantasy and reality are two VERY different things and some things are best sticking with fantasy, like this.
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