A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a dilemma with my current partner. I have been lying to him about something that I know will cause him pain, and/or cause him to reconsider being in a relationship with me. I fluctuate between wanting to tell the truth, and facing the hard consequences, with the hope that it will only make our relationship stronger in the long run...and wanting to deseperately believe that I can keep my secret forever, without causing any damage to our relationship. I just always believed that one's partner is person that one should be able to tell everything to, and I crave his support in working out some things that are causing me turmoil. I'm just afraid to lose him as a result...I've seen it happen to people close to me. Should I value truth above all else, and hope that with it will come true unconditional acceptance? Or is it sometimes advisable to withhold truths from one's partner? I just wonder if I'm going to wind up feeling quite alone in dealing with some problems, when I truly crave my partner's support and help.... Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2010): Truth is best.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2010): Well, the truth is that you have been "lying to him".
That is the awful truth.
Whatever it is that you are hiding is not as bad as what you are doing right now.
What you are doing is manipulating the relationship and him by lying to him.
Do you want to continue that for the rest of your life?
Before you tell him, make sure you know how to tell him, and you must tell him with love and decency and respect and expect the same back. You may need a counselor to help you with this.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, xanthic +, writes (20 October 2010):
 If this secret is something that can seriously affect your partner or impact him in any way, you'll have to come clean and tell the truth. He has a right to know, as well as a right to choose whether he still wants to be with you. You can hope he'll accept you after knowing whatever it is you're hiding from him, but it wouldn't be fair to expect it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2010): I have heard a lot of guys say "I wish she hadn't lied to me about that!"
I don't remember ever hearing a guy say "I wish she had told me lies to protect me!"
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A
male
reader, Ricemonster  +, writes (20 October 2010):
 In The Dark Knight, Batman said something that truly inspired me at the end of the movie. I have finally found something, a phrase coinciding my views on religion, politics and social dynamics in a nutshell. Batman said and I quote:
"Sometimes, the truth isn’t good enough. Sometimes, people deserve more. Sometimes, people deserve to have their faith rewarded."
All within context of course.
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