A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:my boyfriend and i have been together just under a year now.we have had a lot of ups and downs, and although all the great times we have shared outweigh the arguments, it's beginning to get too much.he is my 5th serious relationship and sexual partner, however i am his first on both counts.although i stayed friends with all my ex's before meeting this guy, i now have no contact with them as it caused too many arguments between us, however this is not the problem.even though i have sacrificed all these friendships and do everything i can to make him happy it still doesn't feel enough.he always questions me about my past and makes me feel guilty about having past relationships, i can see he is trying so hard not to do this and it has got a lot better but last night he admitted that sometimes he does hurt me (emotionally) intentionally because he envies me and the fact that i have a past.he says he doesnt want to lose me and that he just needs to try and get past this, but that he wishes he'd had more experience with women before he met me so he would feel more 'equal'.i don't know what to do, i love him so much and know that if i stopped being selfish for a minute the right thing to do would be to let him go, let him be with other people, but it breaks my heart.he says if we ever did split up, he knows one day he'll find me again because we are 'made for each other' but i think it would hurt me too much knowing he's been with all these other people just to come back to me to make it even.please help, any advice on how to deal with this would be much appreciated. thankyou x
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2010): Different relationship patterns are very often a signal bad compatibility. Sexual history is a type of relationship pattern. Even if the past sex was not there, the sex is a product of what personality you each have and what you have each been through in life.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2010): I once loved a girl who had a bad sexual past because all of her previous encounters involved alcohol and she had many whereas I had none. relationships and encounters however are different and I feel this guy is failing to look at the big picture. He doesnt see that you no longer have contact or feelings for any previous guys and he doesnt realize those guys led you to him. Which is a great thing. He needs to be reassured about the future and what your intentions are as I think he needs to hear you only wanna be with him and only him and only think about him.
In my opinion, talking about pasts does nothing but cause jealousy and can cloud a persons judgment of what the future may hold. In my instance it was different as I was a committed innocent tool of a boy dealing with an alcoholic raged psychopath of a promiscuous woman (ill be nice).
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A
female
reader, xanthic  +, writes (20 October 2010):
 Don't blame yourself, you're not being selfish at all. If anything, he's being selfish by making it all about his personal issues and how he feels about something you can't change. He's blowing things completely out of proportion. You're with him now, which is all that should matter, yet he purposely tries to make you feel guilty and self-conscious. It's an emotionally abusive tactic used to gain a sense of superiority, because at the moment, he feels inferior. Your reaction to his beahviour (i.e. being hurt, feeling guilty) only feeds that need to feel like he has some form of power over you. In reality you've done nothing wrong and have nothing to feel guilty about, yet he's convinced you otherwise.
His behaviour is a classic example of passive-aggressive disorder, not to mention he sounds very insecure and a bit immature, which will only get worse as time goes on. The 'made for each other' comment is also a red flag in my opinion, it's as if he's saying he'll always have you to fall back on once he's done playing the field.
Honestly, I don't think you should stay with him. I know you love him, but in this case you need to put that aside and think about what's best for you. The fact that he intentionally hurts you over something trivial should be enough of a reason.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2010): He will never be even with you. A guy has a number in his head and know matter how many he or will be with...he will never get over it. If he run to 15 your argument will be about your 5.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2010): He is insecure in the relationship with you. If it wouldn't of been your sexual past then it would of been something else. Proof you gave up your friendships..You need to determine how much this guy is worth wether to keep around because you matter too. I think thats just kind of sad that he would plan on getting more experience and then coming back to you. Honey(hope ya dont mind), you need to assure him that you don't care about it, you want to be with him, and you love him. If he's too blind to see that their someone such as yourself giving out their love, then I think it would be time for you to move on. I would say "Hey, I got the feelings of being guilty.... when you continue to ask about my past. That part of my life is over." His response and if he keeps asking you can tell you alot. Like you said it is his first real relationship but hes the one that has to see his problems not you.
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