A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Some of you may have read before that I was crazy about a girl from work. We were friends for a year and I was sure she liked me and so I asked her out one night. She said that she was shocked and that she was not rejecting me, but that she did not have the time to invest in a relationship at this point and it would be unfair for the both of us. She said something may happen in the future, but that circumstances just werent right at the moment. That was a month ago. I spent the last month being depressed cause she pretty much rejected me. And since i was depressed I was also angry and I was a bit awkward when I saw her at work. Then a few days ago i snapped and i got over her, I stopped caring, and stopped being depressed and angry. So today at work I came in all happy and i was like the normal flirty guy I was all summer, I realized I didn't feel anything around her anymore so I even flirted a bit. She (after being normal for the month) was weird today. She seemed preoccupied and angry. But she asked me how i was etc. Then I was telling my friend how I went out with a girl (my bestfriend) the night before and it may have come off as me saying we went out on a date (because of my choice of words and because she missed part of my conversation). I am not sure it did but it may have caused the following. THe next few hours at work were hell. The girl was rude and a total b*tch to me and my friend (who is a guy). As the day progressed she got even worse. It was so bad that I in turn became mean to her and didn't even want to say bye when she left. Then I arrived home and facebook statuses are telling me she's really pissed at something, God knows what it could be but shes pissed. Do you think I caused it or is it my attitude that I don't care anymore is seeping through? At work she blamed it on the amount of work she's been doing but I dunno. I don't care about her romantically but i did decide we might as well be friends. Now I don't even know anymore.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2011): Some women only want what the feel they cannot have.
Her behavior is childish and immature if she is indeed upset over the conversation she overheard.
No one here can alleviate your confusion. We are only assuming why she behaved in a rude and confrontational manner based on what you have written here.
If you genuinely desire clarity, please contact her. Explain that you are confused about the way she was acting earlier, and ask if everything is ok with her. Mention your friendship and work relationship...that her sudden change in demeanor was startling, and you would like to know if she feels you have done something to upset her.
Hopefully, she will either resume your friendship, or open up to you and explain what was bothering her. There is a possibility that she may have been angry with someone or something else, but you unfortunately did or said something unknowingly (for example, teased her about something) and that caused her to act out.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell the thing is I know she rejected me from the way she acts. She said she didn't have enough time. But its obvious that she does, she's been going out almost every weekend and even went to an event that she said she would never go to but that I asked her to take me to - she went with some other guy.If you had little time but enough to go out every saturday or sunday night, wouldn't you ahve enough time to make a relationship work?
So thats why I am confused, she lets me down super easy because we were amazing friends this summer, then does exactly what she said she had no time for, stops texting me and answers with one words when i do, and then gets pissed when i move on?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2011): Yeah...like female anon said below she's reacting to her assumption that you went on a date. Thought I don't know for sure, I suspect you may have phrased your "going out" in such a way to make it seem like a date though? Did you want to show her that you didn't care about her and you didn't feel depressed anymore?From her perspective, she probably feels like she didn't reject you. Essentially, she said "Not right now, but maybe later". Though I admit this would probably feel like rejection to me too, she probably thought she was being very honest with you and keeping her options open.Then she watches you pout for a month and she probably feels badly and she doesn't like the awkwardness. She knows to some degree she's responsible for your unhappiness.Then out of the blue, you stop being awkward and unhappy, you flirt with her and simultaneously suggest you've been on a date the night before.She likely believes you did go on a date and this is your way of rubbing her rejection back in her face. Maybe you were rubbing it in just a little bit? She has no right to be rude to you of course, but she probably feels like you are trying to make her jealous. I would confront her about being rude and tell her it's not okay. I think that's important to regaining some normalcy between you two. I would also not assume that she's jealous of this girl you dated. She's most likely angry at you for trying to make her jealous. I went through something similar with a coworker who after the fact made it a point to flirt with other women in front of me. I was never rude to him, in fact I thought it was juvenile and funny at first. Later, it actually became annoying though; he always seemed to make an effort to flirt with other women within eyeshot and then look at me to see how I'd react, he started to talking out loud about all his dates, and the word "chick" entered his vocabulary suddenly and he would toss it around a lot. All this big show, but when we were alone together or I'd try to speak to him he was still awkward and tended to avoid one on ones with me...I had some looooong elevator rides with this guy. It took a few months before we got back to having a normal working relationship. All that said, even if you don't care about her romantically, having a chat with her about her attitude might go a long way to normalizing things between you two. And if you do care about her romantically, I think approach would work.Good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2011): You answered your own question. She overheard and now she is JEALOUS of what she has ASSUMED.You are better off without her even as a friend if that is how she reacts to you moving on.If you want to know for sure though, you will need to ask her why she is so angry and why is she being so aggressive towards you.
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