A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have a question and I was hoping I could get some insight from the females on here. I will try to keep it short, but I feel I have to give a little background so you guys know the full story.Both my girlfriend and I are pretty close to getting married and starting a life together. We are actually moving in together in January. We are both going to school and we will graduate in 2 years. We have been together for a little over a year. So my question starts out by me asking: when does the average female reach their full sexuality? I ask this because my girlfriend used to be a little on the promiscuous side before I met her. I do not mind this and I am not jealous or anything. What kind of puzzles me is that she used to be the kind of girl that would openly have a one nightstand and she told me that both of her two previous boyfriends before me (she was with them for a year each) would have sex with her almost every day. She said that she was kind of addicted to sex so she would do it every day for a long time and sometimes in some weird places. She even went as far as having sex with two guys in one day.She said she started when she was a young teen and she was that way until about a month before she met me. What I don’t understand is she would do all this crazy stuff with guys she never cared for, but now that she has found me her sexuality has slowed down. We went from having sex twice a week to now once a week to maybe once every 2 weeks. She turns me down half the time.I have only been with two people including her and I have a pretty high sex drive because I have never really done anything crazy and I’m in kind of an experimental stage. I want to try new things and she only want to go straight to just sex. She on the other half has been with over ten and has done some pretty crazy stuff. I would just like her to be that way with me, but she says she just doesn’t feel in the mood most timesBasically what I guess I’m trying to ask is if maybe this is normal and she’s not really interested in sex anymore because she has already tried everything and now she just wants to settle down?Or maybe, down the road, she might actually become a little more sexual? I have had talks with her and she says she’s considered herself a slut and she doesn’t want to be that way anymore, but I would like her to be more open and just try things with me.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2012): I love the politically correct/real answer.
I would say, stop pressuring her. Show her ur busy with something else outside your relationship. Go meet ur friends more. The problem i think is that she's not stimulated enough by you because you're such a good guy. and she doesnt wanna do nasty things to u cause she respects u too much/ fears her past. Just make her miss you a little. Dont talk to her. And within a week- two weeks u'll see change. Then come home when she doesnt expect it and give her a good one!! Passionate AND sexy at the same time. Show her who's the man.
Dont bring up marriage yet.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (3 October 2012):
 "when does the average female reach their full sexuality? "
I heard it happens when she's in her 40's.
"What I don’t understand is she would do all this crazy stuff with guys she never cared for, but now that she has found me her sexuality has slowed down. "
Ahem, she said it slowed down BEFORE she met you. So don't take it to be about you, she wasn't all that into sex when she met you.
"We went from having sex twice a week to now once a week to maybe once every 2 weeks. She turns me down half the time."
Screw whatever she did in the past, that's not so important here. The important part is this. You used to have sex twice as much as you do now. Something changed, and now she turns you down half the time. That's not good, and it hurts to get rejected by your beloved. It puts you in an aweful situation, because you want to be intimate, but are rejected, and you don't understand why. Nor are you given any explanation.
I wonder if there could be a hormonal issue. Is she in any form of birth control? When I went on the depo-shot I completely lost interest in sex. I went from wanting it every day to being satisfied with once a week. I barely noticed it myself, and my boyfriend was too much of a gentleman to bring it up. But have you talked to your girlfriend about this? Communication is the key to a succesful relationship.
"Basically what I guess I’m trying to ask is if maybe this is normal and she’s not really interested in sex anymore because she has already tried everything and now she just wants to settle down?"
No. It doesn't work like that. If you've got a high sex drive, you've got a high sex drive, regardless of how much you've tried things out. I've had a high sex drive since.. forever. Started masturbating as a pre-teen, always been fascinated by sex. I've craved sex daily in all of my relationships, with some lovers I even want it twice a day or more if there's time for it. Even when single I crave sex and have had multiple one night stands. I've done A LOT, but I haven't "settled". Because when you have a high sex drive it isn't about checking things off your list, it's about a constant urge in your body to have sex.
So, if your girlfriends sex drive has changed from high, to low, it's got nothing to do with having "tried it all". It's a hormonal thing, she doesn't crave sex as much any longer. It takes a doctor to find out why her interest has dropped so dramatically. But my first suggestion, before you see a doctor, is to change birth control. It can take several months for the hormones to leave her body, so be patient.
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A
female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (3 October 2012):
 I think if the sex is already like this so soon into the relationship it's a bad sign for the future. Early years of a relationship are full of sex, it's not until marriage and kids that you hear sex starts waning. It's possible that she isn't enjoying the sex with you for whatever reason. It's also possible she just doesn't have the same sex drive. Everyone is different and just because sex with someone can be good doesn't mean they want it the same amount of times. I agree with previous posters about her promiscuous past, it's doubtful that it was brought on because of a sex drive but likely because of low self esteem or another factor.
Talk to her about this. Find out why she isn't in the mood. Find out if there's anything you can do to make sex more interesting for her. Explain that you want to have sex more, and differently. Always communicate everything you are feeling. If it doesn't get better than twice a week I would say you should move on to someone with a higher interest in sex like you have. Otherwise you will marry her and sex will decline even more and you will feel unsatisfied. A healthy sex relationship is imperative to a good lasting relationship.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2012): I m the original poster. I always initiate by things like kissing and caressing but she usually puts me off by saying things such as shes tired or her stomach hurts or something. She use to initiate things herself in the beginning as well as with all those guys but it is as if she feels like she doesn't have to do it anymore and she does it every now and then to keep me happy.
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A
male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (3 October 2012):
Your girlfriend matches very similarly with a girl I know, and girlfrienfs of friends. Her past has affected her view and meaning of sex, possibly making it quite a negative experience. She is unlikely to build a sex and love connection again. I am sorry but this could be a serious red flag for a long and happy relationship and I think you need to spend a lot more time together before marriage is a topic.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (3 October 2012):
 well I didn't come into my own sexually till I was 35.
I was a lot like your GF pretty free and easy in the 70s....as a teen...
now in my 50s I want it more than my partner..
but my partner wants kisses and cuddles and affection daily so that is probably ONE of the reasons I want it more than he does... his affection feeds my drive...
so other than wanting sex and asking for it... what do you do to feed her drive?
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (3 October 2012):
There have been studies concluding that female promiscuity, especially early, leads to problems with forming strong monogamous bonds later, particularly sexual ones. IMO, your gf's actions are an example of this.
Personally, I wouldnt consider a woman with such a past for anything more than a one night stand, but to each their own.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (3 October 2012):
 Usually when girls go through that kind of phase when they're younger, of sleeping with anyone anytime, they aren't getting much out of it. It's an ego thing, not a sex thing. Many feel like it's the only way for guys to like them, or they feel proud bragging about it, or it just makes them feel wanted, but almost always, it's not about sex drive. Most, not all, but most, one night stands, especially for younger women, end with him getting off and her lying there. The last poll I saw said that 20% of women had an orgasm from their last hookup.
So basically now that she's with you, she feels comfortable that you love her for her and not for sex. So she's relaxing and not spending all her energy worrying that she needs to be your sex slave to keep you interested. That's a good thing.
As for what you can do to get her sex drive up, the biggest factors in sex drive are stress (sleep deprivation and busy schedules count) and whether or not she's sexually satisfied. The first, if she's very busy maybe you could ask if you can help her do some errands, or help her with some kind of work. Anything to lighten her load up can help.
The second, does she have orgasms almost every time you have sex, easily? Sex for women isn't like for men. Penetration doesn't feel instantly amazing as soon as it happens, and for most women it's unlikely to even get them close to an orgasm, let alone actually do it. For most women they need oral sex and/or fingers to get them there and it needs to happen easily. If not and you are already using fingers and oral, maybe try adding a vibrator that you can use on her.
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke  +, writes (3 October 2012):
 I would be a little concerned if i were you. It sounds like she no longer enjoys sex and if your drive is high it will cause you ongoing problems. You have not known her very long and i don't think you should be considering marriage yet.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2012): Politically correct answer:
She is just showing her real self with you because she feels comfortable enough to finally be this way with a man. Don't complain, be flattered. She would have been that way with the other men if she had felt comfortable doing so.
Real answer:
This is your reward for treating her better than the other guys and meaning more to her - they got all the fun and now you get all the boring stuff. Her view of sexuality is all messed up. She has "bad sex" (read: slutty and often) in meaningless flings and "good sex" (read: boring and rare) with men she trusts and cares about.
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