A
male
age
36-40,
*heeraz
writes:i fell in love with a girl, who was just 15-year-old when i was 22. It has been more than 1 year having this relationship. She is about to be 17 in october 22 and i have been 24 lately. She loves me alot. She claims to love me more than all the things in the world and intends to marry me. Just 3 three days ago, i had a dispute with her while chatting through messenger. I used to abuse her in the past too for her mistakes, but this time it was very aggressive from my side and calls her name like, whore, slut and lose character. She used to forgive me always. I think she will forgive me again. What i want, is to get some space from her as long as she grow up, so that we can have date, cuz we have no chance to have date or even we cant see each other now. It impacts on her daily chores, study and keeps me in stress too. I want to get rid of my abusive behavior cuz i call her name i get very aggressive and challenge her to come in front of me, so that i could kill her. Is it because of age factor? or is it because she always bears my nasty behavior and forgives me? I want to know whether should i carry on this relationship or should find some other option? I love her too. Please help me and answer me.
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male
reader, niiik  +, writes (3 October 2011):
age ....... i dont think the gap is too big my mom n dad have 10 yrs difference but they are happy.... no need to worry about it she will grow up as time passes BUT she wont be as MUCH AS your age....leave this age behind and n try changing your attitude towars her...be cool,carin and loving and the most important thing is trust-which u gotta have to start a relationship and maintain it....be polite to her hav fun joke around n be there whenever she needs you b see how ur relationship will start blooming up
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2011): Honestly it doesn't matter if she doesn't want you to leave her. She clearly doesn't know what's best for her if she lets herself be abused by someone like you. Be the bigger man and cut her out of your life. She'd be grateful for it when she's older.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (2 October 2011):
 before you get into relationship with any women you need to look at WHY you are like this. this problem is not just going to go away. it is not because of your age difference, it is not because she is easy to abuse and she forgives you. it is because of YOU and probably the way your family have treated you while growing up, did you have an angry abusive parent? you need to get help for your anger issues or else you are gonna end up lonely as you will hurt everyone you are with and they will leave you, either that or you will end up in prison if you really hurt someone. get to the root of it, work through it
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A
male
reader, sheeraz +, writes (2 October 2011):
sheeraz is verified as being by the original poster of the question i want to leave her, but still she does not want me to let it happen too.. I seriously love her, but want to get rid from her for my personality disorder. ;( now what to do? ;(
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (2 October 2011):
 WHAT??????
You challenge her to come in front of you so that you can KILL her?? What the hell is wrong with you???
This has nothing whatsoever to do with her age difference, and more to do with how horrible as a person you are.
You call her vile names, threaten to kill her, tear her down for her mistakes, and stuff like that and assume she'll forgive you??
Do you kick around small animals too for the hell of it?? You don't deserve her. You don't deserve anyone, to be honest. How can you say you love her or want a date??
Someone who loves someone else treats them like gold. You would be saying things that make her feel good about herself. You would step in front of a bus for her if it would save her life. You wouldn't lay a finger on her, nor would you let anyone else. Her happiness would light you up, and her in distress would break your heart.
You need to stop the relationship and leave her and every other woman on earth alone as long as you have it in you to be so horrible and vile to another person.
Sorry.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2011): Dear "please help me"- Let me advise you. You aren't ready to be in a relationship. You are admittedly abusive, you are affecting this young lady's life in a negative way and you she break off the relationship. It sounds like controlling, obsessive behavior you are operating under and you are conflicted and reaching out because I believe you want to change. You should go to therapy and work on breaking this patterns for your best life possible because YOU are worth it!! Only then can you experience true happiness and fulfillment in a balanced, age-appropriate relationship.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2011): All right. Well first off, you need to CALM DOWN or something because admitting to being abusive tells me that it's a serious problem. So why haven't you fixed that before now?! Love is never about angry words or name-calling, and if you love someone or they love you those things and violence shouldn't even be coming to mind. Congrats to this girl for sticking with you and forgiving you, but that's also more than a little worrying that she's willing to take you back after what sounds like a lot of uncalled for meanness from your end. I'm just saying that you had better have some serious issues if that kind of low behavior is something she'd repeatedly forgive you for.
No matter what the difference in your ages is - no matter what factor we're talking about here - violent anger should never be part of a relationship. My advice is to get some third-party help on that and to try to see how you can make your girlfriend happier. If she's been willing to keep this going and forgiven you for something like that, she has got to be pretty determined to not let you go. And that's what's worth striving to keep so you had better hold up your end of the relationship deal if you want it to stay that way.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2011): Well at least you've acknowledged your unacceptable behavior, but this is not enough at all.
First of all, you need to know that this relationship is and has always been ILLEGAL. She was 15, while you were 22. She was a minor in a relationship with someone over 18, which is considered statutory rape if you two were sexual.
Second, she was FIFTEEN. I'm fifteen, and I know that when we say things like we want to "marry" someone, we definitely don't mean it. She's a child, and I know that people my age will say the most outrageous things that they don't mean at all. And YOU had the AUDACITY to take advantage of her.
Third, you ABUSED her? This is also illegal, enough if she isn't minor. But she IS. People younger than 18 are the most vulnerable and most sensitive. Chances are the damage you've done to her is permanent and she will likely be traumatized for many years to come, if not her entire life.
Now you're saying you want to get back with her. I understand that you know you're in the wrong and you want to change, but know this: you are STILL in the wrong if you even want to resume this relationship. Leave her alone. She's a child. She's already lost years of her childhood to someone like you, so at least let her recover from all this damage you've done.
Children are not playthings. If she's really a smart person she would report you to the authorities. Now you have to break off with her, it's for the best for her and for you.
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