A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I met this guy who was a massive player, he would flirt with me and boast about how many women he's had, in response I would laugh at him and tell him what a loser I thought he was. Time passed, he kept calling me and eventually he asked me out on a date, I told him that if he wants me he needs to stop being a pig. Over the last three months he has tried so hard to change and put up with many of my demands. We have started making out on dates recently and the few times we have done it I feel sick. Im a virgin and have no experience (he was my first kiss) and I dont know if I feel so yuck because Im not attracted to him physically or if Im just freaking out coz its new. I feel like it cud be lack of physical attraction, but now he is acting so perfect. He has said he loves me but at this point I know I dont feel the same. I care about him and want him in my life. What can I do??? Please help.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (27 September 2011):
 I think you already know why you feel the way you do.
I honestly don't see him changing his ways permanently, maybe for the short run, til he's got you bedded.
IF you aren't sure how you feel about him, then slow down, take a step back or you will end up having sex with him and spending WAY to much time regretting it.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2011): I have heard this story many times before. You say you don't like guys like him but you're headed straight for his bedroom at this rate. Eventually you will be sleeping with him and being extremely frustrated with yourself the whole time. Want to avoid this? Then stop being involved with him. Those other girls all fell for him for good reasons, guys like him are charmers. He might have figured out that you don't like his standard game. He might even really want you genuinely. He might be trying to change his image in your eyes (just to win you, not because he isn't a player anymore.) So what? You don't owe him anything just because he is trying so hard. There are lots of guys out there who would try just as hard for you. If you aren't attracted to him then you aren't attracted to him. But even so, you won't keep spending time around him without eventually falling for him and going farther sexually. Trust me on that. If you really respect guys more who do not play girls like this guy's pattern then put your money where your mouth is. Go find a better guy to get involved with. Just because this guy is showing you attention that does not make him more special or worthy than some other guy you have not met who is more your type.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (27 September 2011):
 don't try to force yourself to love this guy back, just coz he has said it to you! your intuition and knowledge about his past behaviour should not be ignored. you say he has acted like a pig and he is really trying to change to fit in with your 'demands'
the way i see it is this - he has been a player and boasted about how many women he has had (do you mean had sex with?) deep down you don't trust him and feel that you are not on an equal footing because he has had loads of experience and you have kept your virginity.
how do you think he has managed to get all these girls? he is probably adept at charming them into bed with fake-nice behaviour (fitting their profile of a guy they want to sleep with) and then he goes around bragging about his numbers?? - NICE!
he is probably still that same dog so don't make yourself have feelings that are not coming naturally to you. learn to listen to and trust your intuition. it is a life skill that not many people possess! you have it but you are trying to brush it under the carpet because it goes against what he wants.
a bit of advice - for many men 'i love you' is used as a key to your pants, so be wary. judge him on the way he treats you, not just his words
x
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A
male
reader, The Wiseman  +, writes (27 September 2011):
 First of all - be honest! Don't lead this guy on if you aren't into him, just move on.
1- If either party has to change who they are, they are with the wrong person.
2- If this guy was such a player, he's probably playing with you (virgins are top game), then he'll move on.
3- Why would you want someone who is so proud of being with so many people before? Doesn't that tell you what this person is like inside? Maybe that is what your intuition is already telling you - why you feel sick.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2011): I don't understand why you're going out with him when you know his character? I would stop contact right away. You're not attracted to him and you probably don't really like him either. He is acting this way to get you in bed, just use your common sense. You're a challenge to him.
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