A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:Hi, is it bad to be 17 (soon 18) and never had a boyfriend, but have had sex? I've had guys attracted to me lots in the past (not trying to sound self-centred just being honest), but I've never let things escalate with them because I wanted to save myself for someone important, where the love is mutual. However as you can tell from the question, that didn't happen. I lost my virginity to a friend at the start of the year and although we decided not to go any further we are still friends. Nothing has changed in the friendship and I am glad. It wasn't meant to happen, as I said I was saving myself, but at that particular time my mind set changed and I just acted on my inhibitions (if that's the right word). I don't regret or feel shame for losing my virginity out of a relationship or wedlock, I just started thinking about how I've never been in a relationship but am not a virgin. Do you think that will be such an issue when I get into a relationship? I have only had sex with the one guy, even though he wasn't 'mr right', he was just a thing at that time - if I'm making sense here.
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male
reader, judgedick  +, writes (5 June 2017):
 If you're happy you did it good for you , will it make a difference in your life to come? No it should not , not any different from if you had being with a bf for a time or if you had 5 bf. What is important is safe sex between consenting people. If you find mr right the experience he had will now be important. We all change and are what our life has made us.
A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (4 June 2017):
 Some young women feel virginity is an inconvenience they are best rid of. Well you have that out of the way. Horse riding can do it for some without male intervention.
What worries me slightly is when you said you acted on (sic) your inhibitions. I hope you used protection. If not please remember to in future. It can save you so many problems.
In direct answer to your question, no I don;t think it will make a difference to any man who loves you and who is from the 20th/21st century.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (4 June 2017):
 Mostly because of social norms 50% of women and barely 20% of men regret their first time (and/or partner). So WHY should you feel bad about anything?
You made a CHOICE to have your first time with someone you care for and trust. So, it may not be exactly what YOU envisioned for yourself yet you don't regret it and THAT is a good thing.
Out of ALL my female friends, only 2 of us do not regret our first time. Which in OUR group means 80% regretted WHO they slept with and at what age.
YOU got to choose, some women don't. Plenty of girls has had sex BEFORE they feel ready because of pressure from the boy they are seeing or from friends/peers.
Will it be an issue in the future? ONLY if you let it.
If a GUY you start seeing makes a BIG deal out of it then he probably isn't for you and YOU aren't for him.
If you are from a culture where purity and virginity is REQUIRED, then it's a little too late to worry about THAT, isn't it?
The ONLY real issue I can see is that a BE in the future might NOT be so glad about YOU still keeping this guy friend around. And then YOU have to decide what is more important.
If YOU don't regret it (and I can't see why you should) then why WORRY about it? You can't change the past and you can't see the future.
Just live life, OP.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2017): I'm only fifteen and am still a virgin, so I'm not an expert when it comes to topics like these. From what you've said, I don't think it is "bad" if you have no regrets. Your love life really isn't anyone's business except for yours and your future partner's, and like you said, it was just a thing.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2017): Perhaps you meant you acted on our impulses, and let go of your inhibitions? Yes, you are making sense.
What's done is done. You move forward from here. As long as you weren't forced, or under the influence of any substances.
I can understand you're disappointed that it didn't happen in the most ideal way; but it was given to someone you know and trust. That's not really so bad. I only hope you used a condom. There should be no shame in any case. Always use protection for the sake of your health. To avoid pregnancy, or infection from an STD. "Always" means every-time you have sexual-intercourse. No matter what the boy says he'd prefer. I take it the first time, you might not have been prepared.
Since the average life-span for a woman is about 87, and you're only 17 (going on 18); I think somewhere between now and then, you will find yourself a nice boyfriend. You seem like a sweet girl, but getting a little ahead of herself. If you can't control your impulses, you're not quite ready to be left alone with boys. We guys are clever and pushy when it comes to sex.
Life and growing-up tends to happen in a natural order of events and phases.
Giving you time to mentally and physically develop. The body can develop faster than the mind. That's why puberty is so confusing and drives you crazy! Makes you moody and rebellious. Your parents become live-in irritants. Who should just pay the bills, and mind their own business.
Psychologically, your mind has to develop to keep-up with your growing body and raging teenage hormones. You need to be able to understand and emotionally handle the situations you get into with boys. You are growing from a child, and developing physically into a woman. That means you're closer to an age you can become pregnant. Something boys don't worry about.
So you should allow your brain time to develop judgement and understanding; so you can make wiser decisions and have better self-control. Hormones are very powerful. Even us much older adults have the most difficulty controlling them.
You have to be as smart as the guy, or smarter. One bad decision, and you're the one who ends up pregnant.
You have to be able to mentally-absorb and cope with the things that you allow to happen to your body. When you give your consent, you should be able to live with that decision and be able to handle the consequences. You've gotten a little ahead of the process. It is, what it is. You're fine.
Don't worry about relationships. You'll meet someone in due time. They are not really relationships at your age. They're practice and trial-runs. Lessons. Getting to understand something about the opposite-sex, understanding the changes in your body, taking on more responsibility for your decisions, and being able to handle it when things go wrong.
Relationships are very complicated, and it takes a lifetime to learn and understand how to properly maintain one. Many adults have yet to get it right; so don't be so much in a hurry to get into something that sometimes takes a lot of work, can break your heart, and isn't as fun as it is when you're your age.
He may not have been Mr. Right; but that's a whole lot better than being Mr. Wrong!
Best wishes, sweetheart!
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