A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Is it bad for me to want to be in a relationship this bad? I'm a 16 year old gay boy and I really want to find my prince. I want a boyfriend so bad. Some one that understands me, and our personalities mesh. A best friend, a lover that cares about me and will never give up on me. Am I so wrong to want happiness? I want to be important to someone for once in my life. I want to find true love. It makes me sad, the fact that I've never been in a relationship, never shared that first kiss with the person I love. I may be 16, but I'm a hopeless romantic. Love; I want it, I need it, I crave it. And it's gonna be depressing spending another valentines day alone. I don't know when, and how I'll find my guy. It's even harder when you're gay and not out. I just hope I'm not alone forever with a million cats. I do know that before I get into a relationship, I need to be ready for it. To get myself together, and fight back my internal demons...and find a way to love myself first. Which my take a long time to do. But I'm just looking for some advice and insight on your half. You guys have more experience and knowledge about the world than I do.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2011): From an older gay gay: Your insight at 16 far surpasses most aging queens my age; you should be giving advice to my friends regarding the elements of a successful relationship.
Experience and knowledge allows me to offer reassurance and perspective. You're 16, not out and admittedly not ready for a relationship. Don't regret what you haven't done, be glad you've done nothing you regret. There's only one "first time" for anything, you'll know when the time is right. Look forward.
Your insight has already given you the best advice possible: "To get myself together, and fight back my internal demons...and find a way to love myself first. Which may take a long time to do."
You're 16, you know what you want, know you're not ready, and know what you need to do. Huge, huge, huge advantage very few have. Everybody is a different person at 18 than 16, 21 than 18, 25 than 21. Do the work now while you continue to grow and evolve as a person and you'll mature into a secure happy loving adult able to give love because you're able to receive it in return. The process will be difficult but the payoff it will be worth it. Never lose sight of your goal and never settle for less.
Alternative scenario: I know 40-and 50-year-olds who keep keep falling into the same toxic relationships and will never break the cycle of dysfunction because they still refuse to confront their internal demons. And, believe it or not, you'll be 40 yourself in what seems like a blink of an eye.
Very impressive post, if any doubt just scan the board, most misery self-inflicted due to lack of insight, self-absorption, amorality, laziness, gullibility, denial and unwillingness to think independently, providing hours of unintentionally hilarious reading (reason why I come here). Even funnier when posters disagree with practical and sound advice because it's not what they want to hear.
As The Supremes (original artists) sang:
You can't hurry love
No, you just have to wait
You gotta trust, give it time
No matter how long it takes
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