A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Is it okay to think that you're too good for someone (or that you want to reject them based on your high standards), provided you don't say it to anyone else? To merely think it as part of making a decision?Just found out a male acquaintance secretly fancies me, and would go out with me if he got the chance (mutual friends who are very close to him told me).He's quite good-looking, IMO, and is smart too - but his personality (he's rude and blunt half the time, is often passive-aggressively criticising others on his Twitter account, and his social skills leave something to be desired) is a total, total turn off. He can be civil sometimes, and we have gotten along before, but sometimes he's genuinely just awful and cold! I'm always kind to people unless they deserve it, am very sociable and try to help others, and have a lot of friends because of it.I honestly feel like I deserve someone better mannered than he is, especially given how nice I am to others. However, is this arrogant? Is it mean to turn someone down because you feel you're "out of their league" personality-wise or otherwise, as opposed to just because they don't fit your standards or are not a nice person? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (28 August 2014):
 No, I don't think there is a problem with thinking YOU can do better. Or that he isn't what you're looking for.
To think you can do better than him? I'm OK with that. I would just keep that to myself. I'd call it, we are not really compatible. Or he isn't what I'm looking for in a BF.
Just because he "might" date you given the chance, doesn't mean you HAVE to give him this chance.
I think the whole "league" thing is ridiculous though. You are not "better" than him because you are a nice and well mannered person. Someone NOT being your cup of tea, doesn't mean they are "beneath you" - you are JUST NOT attracted to their personality.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2014): In your case, no I don't think it's arrogant. We're talking about a clash in personalities here. It would be completely different if you were to think you're too good for him because he wasn't handsome enough, rich enough, etc. THAT would be arrogant.
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A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (28 August 2014):
Dear OP,
If you just say "we are incompatible" instead of "I'm too good" (a small detail), it's not arrogant, but very healthy and wise.
When dating, "no" is a very important word, or else you'll end up in very bad situations, with people who will abuse you and take advantage of you. Look for a man that you don't pity or look down upon, but that you find to be a great person, a good friend, with a loving, turn-on personality. If you can't respect, desire and value your partner, the relationship will be bad, no matter how hard you try not to be arrogant. The heart and head (and body) need to say "yes".
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (28 August 2014):
 No not at all. I feel like this a lot of the time about girls I meet. I wouldn't read too much into it, sounds like you're doing the right thing.
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A
female
reader, Sweet Dreamer xxx +, writes (28 August 2014):
 Weirdly enough my ex boyfriend is just the same as this guy.
Your not arrogant to think your too good for him, intact you're smart!
I spent the last five years with a guy that was good looking, but his attitude stunk, and because I thought I'd never find someone that good looking would date me again, I clung onto the relationship and eventually my personality turned the same way. I lost a lot of friend due to this.
So personally i think you should trust your gut, it's normally right, and never doubt that your too good for this guy.
Good luck xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2014): |t's not only ok but it is very wise to steer clear of dating people you don't think are on the same wavelength as you. It saves you and them a lot of time, frustration and heartbreak.
You don't owe it to anyone to fancy them back if they fancy you. Just pretend you don't know he likes you and don't lead him on!
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