A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been dating 4 months and things are very serious he even talks about me moving in with him and moving to a different state with him one day. I'm confused because he dose everything I ask of him and is supportive and all but the other day I said I loved him and he said he didn't love me ??? If he dosen't love me why is he being so good to me, spending all his free time , buying me gifts , making plans for the future, staying with me and such ? I have my feelings hurt of course , maybe I just said it too soon but if so why is he talking about a future with me if he dosen't feel he loves me yet ???? I have not had a serious relationship in a while and I know he was divorced but now I'm scared because he tended to jump from women to women before me and I'm afraid he just dosen't want to be alone. What should I do ? wait longer for him to get more feelings ? or end it before my feelings go too deep ? thanks for reading .....
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male
reader, lifesgreat  +, writes (30 August 2014):
Personally myself I couldn't find myself telling somebody I love them after 4 months . I would want to get to know them a lot more before I would feel comfortable saying it to them.
He is doing all of these things because he wants too and likes you by the sounds of things .
Don't take it to heart that he didn't say he loves you back for some people it is a scary thing to say and also you mentioned a divorce so he has learnt from it before by the sounds.
Also I remember reading somewhere that women tend to fall quicker for the men but when a man falls for a women he falls harder.
So just enjoy the moments and have fun with him and wait for him and don't pressure him
A
male
reader, Mark1978 +, writes (28 August 2014):
 Hi
You really need to take his claims of a future with you as just eager, enthusiasm. Talk of living together and moving to different states as a couple after just 4 months is way, way too soon to even consider such huge long term commitments.
4 months into the relationship you need to take any talk of commitment with a pinch of salt. Its just talk. Only after a year or a year and a half does a couple really start to know if they have a future together in any capacity. 4 months is still the excited, best behaviour period and any talk of moving in together after such a short period is like a child saying "when I grow up im going to be...."
If he doesn't love you after four months then maybe you need to ask yourself whether he just wants to be with someone, rather than being with you. Im all for waiting before declaring feelings as claiming undying love for someone after two minutes is immature and unrealistic. Yet four months and still no love? Maybe he is taking his time to genuinely consider his emotions in which case fair enough, but if he doesn't love you after a few months, is he likely to love you in another few months or ever?
Obviously neither me nor my fellow DC users can tell you for certain if your partner will ever love you but, if im honest, this sounds far more like a "young" relationship than a couple in their 30s. Claiming big future plans after a few weeks is unrealistic and naïve.
Mark
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2014): You should continue to care for him, but not go overboard about using the word "love." A lot of people get nervous and fear someone will leave them; so they need the security of hearing that person say they "love" them to reassure them that they won't leave. It is a powerful word, and should be used with responsibility.
In your case, I think his actions will speak louder than words.
He is honest. He doesn't love you. So why lie and say he does? He cares for you, he's good to you, and he's attentive to your needs. He spends all his time with you; but he isn't going to get your hopes up prematurely by using the L-word. He's just not ready.
He has been divorced; and in the past, gone from woman to woman. Maybe he has learned not to use that word; until he absolutely means it. Wait and see. That's all you can do. You should pace your feelings to allow him to catch up with you. Slow your roll. No one has to say they love you until they do. I wouldn't want to hear it, until they're sure they do. I don't want anyone telling me what I want to hear, only what I should.
Everyone talks about the future; because we are holding out hope that there will be one.
He is a mature man, with a lot of experience with women. He knows you have to give them some reassurance you're not going anywhere anytime soon. You do that by making plans. These plans include the person you're with. You live day to day, and the future makes no promises. Nor should he.
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