A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello agony aunties. Thank you for rendering a listening ear to people who need advise. You are the best online help site that I have come across. Congratulations. Facts: 1. We have been married for 1 year and lived together for 3 months2. We live in a 1 bedroom apartment, hubby works fulltime from the kitchen.3. I and our 7month old daughter relocated to his country and continent to permanently live together as a family. He came to visit when she was born4. My main role in this household is to take care of our daughter, (95%). His responsibility with her is holding her when I need to do stuff. Besides being her primary caregiver, I am also the cook, (he will never cook if I don’t ask, irrespective of him seeing that I have a lot in my hands…is it not common sense?). Either of us can do laundry, and the dishes(though I do the dishes 70%)5. Our initial plans were that I pick up the language soonest possible, which has gradually faded away. He makes no effort to prove that he can take care of her in my absence. I coach him how to make her fall asleep, he does the opposite. And I wouldn’t push him, else he will put a show and during my absence he will let her cry it out. I am certain he is capable of letting her cry herself to sleep, which isn’t an option to me.6. Hiring a house help is out of question…expensive, etc7. I intend to take her to a daycare when she is at least 1.5years old. At this age, she will be able to communicate to me how she finds the institution and the treatment that she gets....moreso, I want to be present in her life throughout this age. It is my approach towards good parenting8. I have no friends here, my husband has no friends. No one has socially visited us during my stay, besides his 1 colleague and the visit was purely business. Infact we spent, Christmas indoors on our own. 9. I miss my lifestyle back in my country….familiar environment, family, friends, etc. Big Question:Is it unreasonable to ask my husband that I go back home for one year, until our daughter can enroll in a daycare, so that I can manage fitting it this new society normally? E.g. picking up the language, meeting people and socializing, having freedom away from constantly taking care of an infant? Being around my family and friends to also give our daughter exposure to other people besides us?During that year, I will take a short course, to keep myself busy and to avoid brain lock. This will be easy since I can get reliable people/person to adequately watch over our daughter for a few hours a day.I brought up such a plan, and her commented that it would basically mean that the marriage has failed, but I am free to do it. Oh, he is 66 years old, I am 30.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2012): During this "break" are you going to see (and probably have sex with) other people? You both had better be crystal clear with each other about this subject.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2012): I think it's a good plan. As parents your first responsibility is to do what's best for your daughter. It would be better for her to have more social interaction and if you have reliable people back home to care for her and can work on your language skills then you're investing in the future of your marriage as well. If he says no cos it means the marriage has failed, well then he has very little faith in you and/or the marriage. what is his better alternative plan??
even then he says it means the marriage has failed but you're free to do it. This sounds like a red flag to me...it sounds to me like he's already got one foot out the door of this marriage.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi MOD!!! Please change the category of my question. It has nothing to do with christmas. It should fall under marriage problems. Kindly check into this. Thankyou
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