A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Here goes all on a plate for the last time so I would be greatfull of honest and good advice not told how we done wrong and what we done wrong.So here it is I was seeing someone I was working with, we were so like best friends that much I would love to just have that back but its to far gone for that now. We were seeing each other to start with. it was just on staff nights out but it started to get more personal as time went on and we started seeing each other outwith this. Thing is we both had partners but we were drawen to each other time and time again we tried to stop it but it just kept going. She has been with her BF for 6 years and I was with my partner for 14 years and have a child with her(dont need a lecture on this as I do know what harm I have caused)After a while of this carrying on I finished with my GF because I coulnt take the guilt anymore and realized that I had just seen love for what it really is (Dont know now if love is a good thing or bad thing) took me 29 years to find it and only to lose it I think. Anyway after about two years of just fooling around in the last two month we were seeing each other so much more and growing much more attached I couldn't take anymore of it and asked her to leave her BF which she agreed as she said she loved me and was falling for me in a bad way. The very next day her BF found out what was going on with us (still wonder as to why after all this time he found out now. Deliberate?) Anyway this sent everything in to madness as she now said she was confused and never knew what to do anymore was she making a mistake with me was it worth the risk? anyway after a few weeks I continued to put pressure on her as i wanted peace on mind I couldn't take it anymore (I have a problem with reading to much into things people say) I told her what it was doing to me and that I was going mad not sleeping constantly in moods with all my staff at work wasn't good so she told me to back off it wasn't going to work with us not sure if this was because she felt bad as to how i was feeling?So on the rebound I went off with my ex (I know) but I did all the same after a week or so I realized it was the wrong thing to do and called it off with her (B**tard I know) she was hurt and called her to tell her what had went on with us over the last week (deserved) but she was soooo angry and called our boss and told him all about it and claimed I was sleeping with my ex behind her back?? (meanwhile we were doing it behind her BF back for real) This caused so much trouble for me at work at home with my child my finacial situation ike you would not believe I was really hurt by this and she said it was over she was going try and fix things with her ex.This made me very angry and I couldn't take it she said it was ended so why cause me so much trouble? Well I couldn't just walk away from this I felt crushed and couldn't understand why she had done this to me so I wrote her BF a letter telling him the whole story over the last two years felt this was fair? (not on him) This hurt her so much and I only felt bad about it afterwards but I had to do it.She got moved position so we never worked together anymore and she sorted it out with her BF and now we dont see each other anymore but after all the hurt and pain we caused each other and other people you would think we would hate each other? But NO after just a few weeks she started texting me again like the way it all started saying she misses me and cant not talk to me and I feel exactly the same way(why dont we hate each other?) we dont even talk about the hurt we caused each other just how much we miss each other.Her BF would end it if he knew we were talking she knows this. I never went back to my ex I have learned a lesson on hurting people I care for. I think she is scared to take a chance on me now because of what I done but god knows I love this girl so much but I'm not sure if she loves me? A friend said I should just tell her that I love her and hat I want her then leave it at that if she really wants me she will come to me. I am scared she thinks I am giving up though and i'm not I love her so much.So there is the story best I can tell it complicated I know but I would be greatfull if you dont look at the problems as i am a firm believer that love conkers all question is, is it love how can two people after all this even talk to each other? this cant be nothing this is what we keep thinking?I dont believe that she wants to hurt me or is a bad person she is younger then me and has had only the one BF so I dont think she is playing games but what the hell is she doing?I wish she could write her side of it on here too that way its not all one sided this may not be the way she sees it. . .Please dont give advice if you really dont know as I am going to take what I get off this site and use it better or worse I have to heal my heart. please tell me is this in vain or do we have something we need and want of am I a fool?The biggest question I keep asking my self is after all this we still cant walk away is it just me reading in to this to much (again)Thanks for taking the time to read this its allot to take in.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2009): Ok to start with, you say you wish she could write her perspective on here too. Well, this is what I imagine her perspective would be (I think it will help you):She has had 1 boyfriend in her life and they've been together for 6 years. That means she has been through so much and shared so much with him, even before she met you. She cares for him even if she doesn't love him in the same way she does you. She doesn't want to hurt him and she doesn't want to leave something stable and long term for someone she isn't sure would be fully committed to her. (Harsh I know, but you going back to your ex briefly would have made her feel uncertain of your feelings for her, despite the fact that she wasn't even sure she wanted to leave her boyfriend yet. Seriously unfair, but I think that's how she'd feel.)So I think you should explain to her what you said here - that you love her, that being with your ex again made you realise what a mistake that was and it happened because you were feeling hurt and confused thinking she didn't want to be with you. Tell her you are single now in the hope that she will want to be with you, but that you don't want to pressure her into rushing anything (this bit is important to say if she is going to make the decision to leave him). Say that you think the two of you have an incredible connection (I think that's how you feel based on what you've said!). It sounds like you truly love her so I think you need to go for this, for your own sake.
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