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female
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anonymous
writes: HI I was wondering if people thinks its acceptable to stay friends with an ex boyfriend, even if you are unsure about whether he is over you? My ex finished it 6 mths ago after i made it clear i wanted marriage and kids (he is nearly 40 and has done it before so time was an issue), one minute i thought we were in love, the next he said he couldnt handle the 'deep feelings' and was very quickly with his current girlfriend (again he says he doesnt want a serious relationship not that she seems to understand this - she is 25!) He made a huge deal about us staying close friends, said how much i meant to him etc but obviously his new GF doesnt like it at all and says we cant see eachother and doesnt even like us speaking, He phones a lot, and we have seen eachother twice - he didnt tell her. From what i have seen from his house she is trying to slowly move herself in, and i have said if it is a serious relationship then maybe we should consider parting company to make her happy, but he denies it. He occasionally acts inappropriately saying he still loves me etc but i dont encourage this. I have a new boyf who is fine with whatever i want. I just dont know if i should be the bigger person and let him go, even though it means losing out friendship, as it is a constant battle to keep it going and his GF gives him lots of earache about it! But why does he want to hang on to it so much?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2008): if he is with someone else and she doesn't like it, i suggest you get out of the picture. put yourself in her place. you're an exgirlfriend and a fairly recent one too. women don't respect each other anymore. you should respect her feelings. he should do the same. be the bigger person and don't be a homewrecker. i'm sure you wouldn't want another woman butting into your relationship.
A
male
reader, ogga +, writes (27 October 2006):
im best friends with my ex and we do just fine, sometimes my girlfriend isnt happy about it. but im with her for a reason. yeah me and my ex were good, but if i enjoyed it better with her, i would be with her.. especially seeing as she still likes me you just have to know that he is with you
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A
female
reader, bellachic385 +, writes (26 October 2006):
 Being friends might cause issues with future or current lovers but if you are just friends it is fine. Look you have cared about her for so long it is hard to to care about them at least a little bit. The age difference can be the difference in matcutity levels and here it shows. I am sorry you are in this situation. Try and talk it out with both of them at the same time so it is open and they both get the same message. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, DEBS83  +, writes (26 October 2006):
 sometimes you can be friends but to be friends i think there as to be no bad blood between you and for bth of you to know its deffo over
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A
male
reader, Lostandalone  +, writes (26 October 2006):
 It seems like I answer this question once a day. I don't think ex's can be friends. At least it didn't happen for me and I think he doesn't want to let you go but he doesn't want marriage. I also believe that you still care for him or this wouldn't be an issue because you could easily walk away. You're right one of you, preferrably you, has to be the bigger person. Good Luck.
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A
female
reader, shania +, writes (26 October 2006):
 This man wants his cake and eat it.He has got his new girlfriend on one hand and you on the other.You said that you wanted a more committed relationship which involved marriage and children,so to be fair,you made it clear to him but he declined and ran for the hills.Now he wants to stay friends with you but my incline tells me that he wants more as in sexually but without the heavy stuff.His poor suffering girlfriend doesn't knows where she stands because your ex is playing mind games.If he really wanted to be with you then he would dump his girlfriend and try and compromise with you but he hasn't.You wouldn't be happy being just friends because its still unfinished business on your part.I would move on and forget him,unless he proves to you that your the one and his girlfriend is out of the picture.
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A
female
reader, Toria +, writes (26 October 2006):
 Some people can't be friends with their ex's and some can..if your friendship is good and it's not interfering in your relationship and your boyfriend is fine with it and it isn't going to cause you any problems or upset him then you are doing nothing wrong and have nothing to worry about, as for it causing problems in his relationship then that's down to him and he should handle that situation and it's him that wants to continue your friendship even through all this.
You do need to talk to him though and tell him that you are happy in your relationship and that you and him were over and long time ago and it isn't appropriate for him to say he still loves you or talk of anything regarding the relationship that once was.
Good luck :o)
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