A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boy of 6 months and who lives with me, asked me to get a phone number out of a message on his phone for him. In doing so, I found a text from a girl that he had met a few weeks ago when he was out with his friends. It said how horny she was, etc.. I'm pretty sure he's not cheating on me, but I just can't get it out of my head. I'm so paranoid that he is going to, that its just eating me up. I haven't said anything to him yet, because I hate being the 'clingy' girlfriend, and I don't want him to think I was snooping, because that was never my intention. I think I am more paranoid because I have a history of cheating on Ex's. How do I talk to him about this, without seeming irrational? And is it really acceptable for someone in a relationship to be swapping numbers with people of the opposite sex and receiving such texts?
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female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (19 September 2007):
 You know that it is inapropriate. If he has answered, that's even more inappropriate.
You shouldn't let your past relationship determine what you do now. If he is your boyfriend, and you are living together, he should not be in a position with any other girl to receive these messages. He should be telling other women that he is attached. He should also believe that your intention was honorable, and that you should be able to pick up his phone without being considered a snoop. I think being able to pick up each others phone is part of a normal relationship, not snooping. You are not being clingy by asking about this message. If he responds badly, by putting you on the defensive, then I think you have a problem. Hope things work out for you. I think that your past relastionship has left you second-guessing yourself. You sound like a woman with a great deal of common sense. Trust your own judgement.
A
female
reader, leanne.od  +, writes (19 September 2007):
 he's living with you and yet giving girls his numbers, it doesn't add up. in my opinion - he's not worth it. if these girls are texting inappropriate messages, they wouldn't do so without knowing they'd be happily received. he's playing you and you need to walk away. he thinks he can have his cake and eat it but has little respect for you. he probably knew you'd find the text from this girl because men nkow girls read there phones when given the oppertunity handed to them.
you can do better than someone who gives their number to any girl in a skirt.
good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2007): No its not acceptable hun, because he is meant to be with you.I don't think for one minute that he has cheated but he would have definately responded to these messages and who knows what he replied.You need to tell him exactly as you told me, you were getting a number and came across these messages, your obviously hurt and concerned that it may lead to other things, then let him have his say. Ask him what he would do if he had found messages like these on your phone. I dont think you have anything to worry about, but give yourself peaceof mind by addressing it. I bet you have been worried for nothing.
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