A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I have a girlfriend. We seem to fight a lot. when I make her upset she tends to hit me. The other night we were arguing in the car and I said something to upset her, and she swung her arm and struck me right in the eye. she hit me hard enough to the point where i couldn't see out of my eye for a second. this is not the first time she's hit me. I don't hit her of course cause I wont hit a girl. Is this considered abuse? I hear about a lot of cases that men hit women but does it work the other way around? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2009): yes!! if that happen so if the gurl hit the guy and you hit the another back you wont get trouble. that assult!!!!!!!!!!!.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2009): Yes it is abuse. Also if you let her continue i can assure you that it wil get worse. Sadly one day you may feel likely to retaliate.Then you will be the one in trouble. Cool,and think, do you really wnat to be with someione you argue with and then take her punches?Get rid and fast. You will soon get over her.Cool and think.What advice with you give a best friend in the same situation?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2009): Yes it is abuse! just don't hit her back and tell her if she doesn't stop it that you will go to the authorities.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (24 February 2009):
 Yes it does. Female on male violence is common enough but far more hidden. As you said, you can't hit back because you don't hit girls.
Domestic violence affects everyone, men women and childeren regardless of age, social standing etc etc. Battered men are just still taboo.
Part of the reason is that women have rarely learned to control their violence. Lets be honest, the traditional view is that a punch from a guy can send a woman flying with broken bones but a punch from a girl couldn't put a dent in soft cushion. But is this true? Many a woman works out and many a male has the muscle tone of a wet towel. Even if the woman is weaker, if the man can't hit back because you can't hit girls then she effectivly has an open target.
So did she punch you as a woman not expecting the punch to ever land or hurt you or was it a deliberate attack? Neither is okay but the first can be excused ONCE same as some boys got to learn the hard way that women are more fragile.
Simplest test, if it had been the other way around, would you have called it abuse? If the answer is yes, then the answer is yes in this case.
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A
female
reader, Tuyen  +, writes (24 February 2009):
 Yes, it definately is abuse when a woman hits a man. Though not alot of people see it that way, they think its worse when a man hits a woman (okay so men can have the advantage of strength, but that's not the point). Abuse is abuse, whatever gender you are.Sadly, not many people take a woman hitting a man seriously. Whereas, if it were to be the other way about, then there would be interest in it.She has to learn to controll her temper and stop taking it out on you with violence. Not only is it hurtfull phsically, it's hurtfull emotionally too, right? You both need help. She needs help with her anger issues, and you need help on how to deal with this woman. Or better yet, you need help to realize that you don't deserve to be treated the way this woman is treating you. Why are you even with this her? You love her? Well does she love you? Because personally, I do not believe for one second that if you really love someone, you'd lift a finger to them or would want to hurt them in any shape, matter or form. I know that you only asked if this was abuse, but my advice is to leave her and find a nice woman who treats you with the respect and love that you deserve.Good luck =/ Tuyen x
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A
female
reader, Artistry +, writes (24 February 2009):
 Hi there, Violence is violence, it does not change if it is woman hiting a man or the reverse. She seriously needs a course in anger management. She also does nto respect you and she wants control, and the hitting if her form of trying to control you. Let this girl go somewhere and rehabilitate herself. If you think you are in love with her, you willl find yourself resenting her for her abusive behavior. I agree with the other Aunts, there is a problem in this relationship, and you really need to move on. Peace is required in any relationship for it to grow. She needs to know you will not tolerate her hitting you, on more time and she would see my back and I would not turn around. Respect yourself and either let her know out the best thing probably would be to get out of the relationship for good. Take care, good for you that you did not hit her back, you are a gentleman, but she does not appreciate you. Take your goodness somewhere else, find a lady, they are out there.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2009): I will give you the same advice I would give a woman in your situation, dump her, it is abuse and just because you're a man, it doesn't make it more acceptable.
Why are you with someone you constantly fight with anyway? Those kind of relationships never work. Only people with kids or too many shared commitments should even try to make them work. Cut your losses.
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A
female
reader, Blue_Angel0316 +, writes (24 February 2009):
 Yes it's considered abuse. You however are provoking her by saying things that upset her. This is no excuse however. Abuse is abuse! I suggest that you either find a different way to discuss your problems without provoking and if she can't stop the abusive reactions due to her lack of self control,then it's best to call it quits.
Many times people don't realize they are even acting so badly. Some do. Either way it's a bad road to travel and it usually has a bad end with severe consequences. Sooner of later it may escalate to the point where you can no longer control not returning the blows and retaliate with the same. This happens alot of times because you no longer know what to do and you strike without thought but with reflex action. Abuse quite often becomes worse, more prolonged or more severe in nature.
It's best to walk away when the abusive party won't see their harmful nature and refuses to stop. You can have a try at talking to her about the problematic situation. Letting her know that you won't tolerate this again. Make sure she knows that you are intitled to your opionion as well as she is to hers but that she has no right to hit you just because she is angry. Even when one is angry, hitting someone when angered is not a way to get a positive reaction!
Speak up and yet remember that if you have provoked her willingly and knowinly then you too are at fault for the consequences she has evoked upon you. She however has no right to react with this abusive contact. You should never allow anyone to hit you for any reason except to honorbly defend yourself or someone else who is in need of such.\
My best to you and if you allow God to punish her, she will have recieved the best punishment! The old saying is that GODS GONNA GET YOU FOR THAT...THERE AIN'T NO PLACE TO HIDE CAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE YOU'RE AT!
May you both seek peace with one another and find a way to work everything out...together, without anger or altercations.
God bless,
Blue_Angel
God bless,
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2009): Of course it does. This girl needs to clean up her act. She hits you and knows that you won't fight back because she is a woman, and that's manipulative. Next time she does that, make it clear to her that you will not take such behaviour from her ever again, and that she needs to talk out and solve her arguments with you like a rational adult. If she doesn't, leave. Manipulative girls like this need a firm hand, if you'll forgive the pun. She'll keep doing it as long as you let her. You just have to be firm and let her know her immature, diva behaviour solves nothing and is seriously inappropriate.
Good luck! Im sorry about your eye!
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A
male
reader, Replacement  +, writes (24 February 2009):
 Yes it does happen, yes it is considered abuse, though it is much less common (than man on woman domestic violence). Maybe you should talk to her about it when you are both calm (not fighting) and tell her that you won't tolerate her physically attacking you anymore. Tell her that the next time she does it, it is over. If she does try to hit you, I assume that you're physically stronger than her since most men are stronger, try to (gently) restrain her wrists and tell her that you won't let her hit you, tell her you won't let go of her wrists until she calms down. Try not to let your fights escalate, try not to yell, tell her not to raise her voice either. If you can both remain calm, the fights will be resolved faster and no one will need to be hurt.
The fact that you fight so often tells me something is seriously wrong with the relationship, and it might not be worth saving at this point, especially if you're always fighting about the same things.
If it were me in this situation, I'd end the relationship... it's not worth being in a relationship with someone who has so little respect for you as to hit you.
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