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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Me (20, female) and my girlfriend (21) broke up a while ago. Until last month, we got back together. I've discovered a lot about her during the time we were apart. She slept with a workmate, I found out she was on a datingsite, there's a whole list of guys from that site who she added on fb or skype.I found out she had been sending very flirtatious messages to a lot of guys. Not just some occasional flirting, which i wouldn't really mind that much. But she was messaging those guys how much she longs for them to kiss her. If she's going to bed, she's asking them to join her or to shower together,... Things i think she's crossing the line with. But we cleared things out a lot. She said she would remove the datingsite, stop sendings those messages and so on. She promised I wouldn't have a single reason to worry. Or to doubt her loyalty. Some days ago, i noticed there's a certain guy (S.) she keeps talking to a lot. She also tries to make me jealous lately. E.g.: we were calling on skype, until i told her because it was time to sleep. She didn't want me to go yet, so i decided to stay about 20 min longer. When i finally went to sleep anyway, she said something like: "fine.ill just talk to S. He's always here for me anyway."I also noticed she hadn't removed the dating site at all. And posting pictures with her and S. all the time.The day after, i decided to gently confront her about it. She pretty much admitted she was still messaging in such flirtatious way. She responded like: "I do what i want, i don't need anyone to tell me what to do". That i turned into a controlfreak. And that she knew where her boundaries were. That i'm bringing up "old shit",...Sometimes i think i'm overreacting. I'm constantly expecting bad news. Even when nothing's going on at all. But at the same time, i feel like she's not respecting me and the way i feel about it. Now she started acting so cold and weird like the last few days, only makes me more worried. I don't know how i'm supposed to get over it. How i'm supposed to trust her more again. If my reaction is only causing another crack in our relationshipIf i have to confront her again or not. And if i do, then how? Cause she obviously isn't trying to understand me.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2014): My dear, you are being played. You are still young, and we all have been in this situation before. You probably don't want to hear this, but this is doomed. She is not mature, and is vindictive and will cause you eternal pain and suspicion. Please take my advice: cut this person off, no texting, no phone calls, no nothing. Run, don't walk, away.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (7 February 2014):
 You are not bringing up old shit if it's happening still today. Sounds like she is still angry about the break up and doing things to be spiteful. You can't trust her because she said she would remove the dating site but she didn't. You got back together maybe because it's hard to let go. To reunite feels sweet but after a month her actions show that she doesn't want to be in this relationship. Her heart isn't in it. Even for a bisexual person the boundaries have to be respected. She can't commit to one person so a monogamous relationship isn't for her. There is no confronting a selfish person who wants to have her cake and eat it too. You either shut up and put up with it or walk away, and look for a person who can devote to you.
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A
male
reader, Gauntlet  +, writes (7 February 2014):
 Maybe she is a nymphomaniac ? Who need so much people in her/his pants if they do not suffer from a form or another of an obsessive–compulsive disorder ?I don't know whether your relationship has a future, particulary after she said you she "did what she wanted to", which is pretty unacceptable when in couple. It's the clear sign your relationship means few if something to her.Life stinks sometimes...
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (7 February 2014):
 Yeah I'd be all pissed too if I found my wife had turned gay and all that so I can relate. I don't think you can trust her much longer. She has obviously stayed from the pack and found new places to investigate.
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