A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been reading some information on narcissism and am pretty sure this is what my husband has. He thinks he's better than everyone else and will only talk to people he deems good enough so can be rude to other people. He thinks only about himself and is unable to see things from my point of view. Whenever I try to talk to him about anything he gets mad and thinks I'm attacking him and only hears the negative parts of the conversation. He gets mad constantly about anything and everything and blames it all on me- calling me horrible names all the time. We have 4 children aged 6 and under and I look after them 99% of the time but when we go out my husband constantly gives me orders on how to look after the kids- like 'are you watching her' or 'stop him from doing that' and he says it very loudly and snappy like he wants everyone around to think I am a terrible mother. Is it a good idea to tell someone you think they have narcissism? I have been wanting to get marriage counseling for a couple of years now but have been reading that narcissists don't ever change so would this be worthwhile? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2011): I think you would be a complete wreck if he was a Narcisst, however he sounds like a right Plonker and you should take hold of your own life and not be pushed around verbally or any other way. You would probably be pycologically damaged from a true Narcisst, and your marriage would be a living hell.
spunky monkey..
A
female
reader, hannah76  +, writes (1 November 2011):
 He's a bully. There is more than self'regard with this man. He barks his orders out, chooses who he wants to talk to, rude to others. Yet I bet there is a load of people that are pleased he doesn't talk to them. Maybe he drinks, maybe he smokes, maybe he gambles, but he certainly has a temper on him. He wouldn't agree to help. So, why not go for your own help and learn more about your situation and and how you feel.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2011): This looks to be a serial bully. A narcissist is far more complex.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (1 November 2011):
 Young lady, you should tred VERY lightly if you think he is a narcisist which is a personality disorder and can turn violent or sadistic(so be careful. I'm sorry but the way you've worded your question it makes it sound like it is something he might "have" and as such it makes it sound like a cold or something he can just get over someday. From the little I know about this disorder it takes some pretty serious treatment to get over if then. t's sad there are children involved but for their sake and yours don't take it lightly. either get intervention or take the kids and run to the hills.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2011): I think bully is a better label than narcissism.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2011): No, it'll just cause a huge row. Your husband is far too arrogant ever to admit he has narcissism!
Get outta there! It's the only thing that might make him realize how abnormal his behaviour is. And even if he doesn't come to his senses, you'll save yourself years of horrible domestic abuse that will gradually erode your sense of self-esteem.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2011): Sorry but your husband sounds obnoxious - at least the way you describe him makes him seem this way. I'd say it is not only a case of narcissism but sexism as well - ie. he as a man is treating you as a woman like his servant. Also, he just seems like a horrible person. Why did you marry him? Do you love other qualities about him? Are you naturally very submissive and he chose you because you wouldn't challenge his behaviour? Are the things that you describe just "the tip of the iceberg" or is it only these things that upset you? I agree with both of the other two posts - that you would benefit from counselling, but not necessarily to stay with him - maybe you want to consider leaving but are too scared?
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female
reader, thinkb4  +, writes (1 November 2011):
I dont think so much a narcissist,just a horrible obnoxious person would be more fitting.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (1 November 2011):
 I don't think you would gain anything from telling him. And no counseling only works if HE actually wants to participate. You can't fix him, neither can counseling. And someone like that, in most cases don't want to change.
I agree with So_Very_Confused that YOU might get more out of the couseling then he would.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (1 November 2011):
 WEll I would not tell him. He won't hear it from you. He may hear it from a counselor but I would not hold my breath that he's going to change.
If he won't go for couseling you should go on your own to find coping strategies for living with this man.
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