A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Dear all.plz advise. I.ve been seeing my bf for 14 months now. He recently moved round the corner from me. He has a twin sister with downs syndrome who lives with him. He is her full time carer. The problem is, we only see each other once a week,and he only responds to me in a loving way when he thinks he.s losing me.e.g when i dissapear and don.t ring him. Then he tells me he loves me,and is very attentive. I know he does love me. It.s written all over him when i.m with him,and we have a lovely time together,but when we part,it.s as if to him it never happened,and he doesn.t call much,and seems to close up,and goes off I.m confused. I want to c him more,and for things to develop. Is it a good idea to talk to him,tell him how i feel,and what my needs are? Or will that make me vunerable? Thanx Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, MikeEa1  +, writes (8 May 2012):
 I reckon you could step it up to twice a week without too much drama. Its difficult with his responsibilities. It may not be enough for you. Push it a bit further and see how you feel.
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (4 May 2012):
 Speaking up and being direct about what you want makes you look and feel stronger, not vulnerable. It really depends on how you say it.
Instead of telling your boyfriend what you want HIM to do (which will place added pressure on him not to mention the inferred ultimatum) imagine what your ideal relationship would look like (with anyone).
How often would you want to hear from him? How often would you like to see each other? What kinds of things would you like to do together? Is there room in your life plans for the added responsibility and expense of someone with Down Syndrome (for you I mean)?
Then you could present it to him as your life manifesto and tell him he can let you know if this is something that works for him. You don't need any answer right away, but you can secretly give yourself a deadline. If the relationship, as it is, isn't enough for you to be happy and content then consider moving on.
He sounds like a decent man, but he may not be able to offer what you need. Not at this time anyway.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your answers. I will speak to him , but this thing about soe mne can only cope with relationships at a certain distance, how does one deal with it? Do I have to just accept the once a week, not mcuh contact thing going on? It hurts. xx Thanks for answering x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2012): After 14 months I would say yes, try and move things on. Depending on what you would like to happen next, talk to him about it. Nothing ventured nothing gained. At some point one of you needs to sound the other out, let it be you.
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A
male
reader, MikeEa1 +, writes (4 May 2012):
some guys can only cope with relationships at a certain distance. he has the added resonsibility of being a carer. I know women that have young children and their relationship potential is limited. they would like to have a relationship but they always fold before the intensity starts. so theres 2 factors 1.being responsible for someone and 2.not being able to get close. it might not even be personal. you may well be the one and he would be if he could. ask him what you like. it won't make it any worse.
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