A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey all, thanks in advance for taking the time to read it.. trust me, it means a lot.I've been dating my military boyfriend for just shy of 2 years now. We have been best friends for years before we started dating so I know him pretty well. We've had plenty of ups and downs, mostly in relation to lack of communication and him lying to me about not being able to talk to me then me catching him in the lies. For example, he's at training right now (with his phone) and he updates statuses, comments on other people's stuff, and adds friends. He's ignored me for a week and a half straight and I'm so pathetic that I've literally been begging him to talk to me. When we've fought about the lack of communication, he gets really mad even though I try to bring it up in a non-confrontational way. He takes the liberty of us being mad at each other to launch into attacks about other matters like that my problems are petty and insignificant and that I don't know what hardship is because I come from a good family and "have everything handed to me". I'm going through a really rough patch in my life, I'm waiting for my cancer results to come back and a close friend just passed away. He doesn't seem to care about any of this yet still says he loves me. I feel like this is a 24/7 emotional roller coaster. When things are good, they're good and when things are bad, they're really bad. He wanted me to relocate to his base and marry him but I'm only 20 and can't move across the country when I have a year left of school. He seems so selfish and doesn't care about what I'm thinking. Several times I've flirted with the idea of ending things (we broke up for a couple of weeks about a year and a half ago then he begged for me back when he came home on leave). I think I have this desire to stay with him because I don't want to be alone (even though I am alone generally 8-9 months out of the year). I have this notion that when he gets out in a little over a year things are going to be amazing because they always are when he's on leave. Yet, I feel that I'm the only one who cares about our relationship so why would that change whether he's home or away?I'm not trying to say I don't ever mess up or upset him but for the most part, I do my best to keep things calm and I have honestly never once attacked him the way he attacks what he considers to be my flaws. I just feel so helpless and lost and can't talk to my friends because they're sick of hearing it and can't understand why I haven't ended things long ago. Any insight or advice is so, so appreciated.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (4 May 2012):
 Well if it was me I would end things. I can understand that you love him and that you want to be with him. But his actions are speaking louder than his words. He says he loves you but he is not showing it. The way that you explain things it seems to me like he does not even care about you. Yeah things might be good when he is home, but it sounds to me like when he is away he just does not care about you and this is not a good basis for a relationship.
I honestly think the best thing for you to do is to tell him that it is over and get on with your life. For now while he is away anyway. Maybe once he is home permanently you can see if things are any better. But for now you are worth so much more than that and he doesn't treat you the way that you deserve.
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