A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I care a lot about a guy I've been seeing. I try not to think about loving him but I know I do. However, he's not over his ex girlfriend - not in an "I still love her" kind of way, but in a "she hurt me so badly and killed my confidence in relationships by throwing away what we had" kind of way. He says I'm an amazing, special person and I feel like he cares for me based on understanding who I am as a person. This is something I've never experienced before and think is so important I don't want to lose someone who truly gets me. Most men tend to think they want to be with me forever when they barely know me, and basing relationships on looks is something that bores me. Anyway, so I'm not sure what to do about this guy - should I wait it out? He doesn't want to tie me to him at this stage, so he says I can date other guys, but then alternates between saying he doesn't want to know if I do start seeing someone else to asking me if I am. I've recently started seeing someone to try not to be so focussed on this guy and I'm wondering if it's a bad idea to tell him I'm sort of seeing someone else? And also do I tell this new guy about what's going on in my life? It doesn't seem quite fair on him, but at the same time it seems strange to start pouring out my life history after 4 dates!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2009): Lol I don't think you should tell this new guy your history...its ONLY been 4 dates.
Hmm to be honest I don't see a right or wrong here, just a matter of choice on what you want. Must guys (including myself) would get jealous if we heard that the other is dating...some appreciate the truth....some get jealous...some get angry...I don't know what to say because the biggest problem with him is that he has a fair amount of healing to do. Although no one can rly know how long it takes to be healed...it depends mostly on time and willpower...at least he knows how great you are to him.
I think you should be a little honest about dating someone to him...if he finds out any other way it would hurt him badly. I'd hope he understands why you are doing it, if not you can explain it to him.
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