A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi readers! I hope you can help me today. I came out of a three year relationship about three months ago, I was cheated on and lied to on multiple occasions throughout this and during this time also had my privacy taken away from me. As a result it has made me naturally a very cautious and paranoid person, I over think a lot of things and over analyse a lot.Since then I am totally over this guy, I have met someone new now and we have been dating for a while, he really is the definition of perfect! He always wants to see me, he spoils me, he takes me out and most of all he respects me and my need for privacy! Neither of us have never cheated in a relationship, either, so I know this one won't mess me around. At least I think not...Here is my problem, not so much a problem but I hope it doesn't become one (that's why I'm here.) He recentley moved to my town with who was known to be his best friend (a girl) but it later came out that they dated for almost 2 years way back in 2007-2009. Since then they have been best friends. I've never asked him any more than that but before we were dating (and I was with someone else) he was seeking advice from us (as friends) because he said he was thinking about getting it on with her again. Obviously this was not when we were an item and they have both dated numerous people since they broke up, I hope he won't hurt me but I just need clarification on the subject. She doesn't act suggestively around him and it is known that he gets along with girls better than guys.I have a guy here who says I am for keeps, and has never cheated but like me, has been cheated on several times. I'm not sure if I'm paranoid or if I am jealous of what they had. Do you guys think it's bad for exes to live together? And do you think I have cause for concern? Or is it all in my head? Please help!
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2013): I can't advise you properly in this situation as I'm a little torn, all I can say is I definitely wouldn't be okay with that I wouldn't keep seeing him.
OP they may be friends and I'd be fine with that but living together is too close for me. Who knows what will happen after a particularly nice evening just two of them and a few glasses of wine.
The fact he recently enough said he was thinking of getting it on with her means this is not 100% platonic, it would be very easy for them to have one heat of the moment and for something to happen.
As K_c100 says their relationship is supposed to have ended 4 years ago, yet he still entertained the idea of going with her again recently. Do you feel that way about any of your long term male friends?
I wouldn't OP, it's just so easy for mistakes to happen. They will be there alone a lot, they will build more closeness, they will end up there alone drunk together or even just tired late at night and anything can happen as they have so much history together.
Also OP it's far too soon to be calling a guy you don't really know well in terms of dating is perfect. You're only 3 months out of a 3 year relationship so you can't be with this guy very long at all, you definitely sound like you're on the rebound. Sure everything seems perfect now, but it's only been a few weeks OP, no one is that perfect, trust me. He just seems that way at the moment because he's trying to impress you. OP you're moving very fast and jumping head first into this which means you'll more than likely get hurt either way. Too fast, too soon to be feeling this strongly about someone after such a harsh recent break up.
"At least I think not..."
Exactly OP, you don't know that he won't cheat on you or hurt you. You're getting lost in the bubbles, roses and glitter of the eraly dating stage, you're getting too wrapped up in the emotions of this to the point where you think this guy must be perfect. You're failing to see this is not what you think it is and this is most likely mainly due to the rebound that this guy seems so heaven sent. You're putting yourself in a very vulnerable position by investing so much profound emotion so soon like this guy is your saviour or something.
Even if him living with an ex isn't something you will end this over at least take a step back emotionally and be a bit more casual about this OP. You're only barely dating, you have no idea if he's actually perfect at all, only time will tell when he's stopped trying to impress you how perfect he actually is. So do what you can to protect yourself here OP, at the moment you're just blindly worshipping this guy.
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (21 January 2013):
 If he recently (i.e. within the last 6 months/1 year) has said he wanted to get back with her (before you were together) then yes I'd be worried and I definitely would not be comfortable with it.
If you had said they dated in 2007-2009 and had just been friends since, then there would not be a problem. But when you mention he has recently said to you that he was thinking about getting back with her, then it is clear whatever feelings he had for her are still lingering around, this was supposed to have ended nearly 4 years ago and if he was thinking about going back for more within the last few months that is a major red flag, showing he is definitely not over her and wont be any time soon.
I dont really know what to suggest, if you talk to him he will deny he has any feelings for her and will say he is over her. But actions speak louder than words, and I dont think I'd personally be able to believe him that nothing will happen when they live together.
If I were in your position I'd want him to be living with someone else who he has no history with, otherwise I would not be able to have a relationship with him.
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